Monday, May 6, 2013

My blue period

I promised myself I was not going to write today. I swore it to myself. Because I am in a blue period. I have been through an enormous amount of pain in my life. I lived on the streets of San Francisco as a desperate junkie. I have walked around with open wounds. I have had my nose broken numerous times by men who claimed to love me but hurt me anyway. I have had three c- sections. I have experienced pain. My nick name for myself has always been hard core because I can survive ANYTHING. But now, I am in a blue period.

You can get used to just about any abnormality. A habit, a voice, a needle in your neck that pierced your heart instead. I do not know why I feel this way but I am in a blue period.

I hate when I feel this way. Have you ever wondered how someone who had everything still killed themselves? That is what depression does to you. But I am different friends. I will not suffer alone. I will not be silent. It happens. It is beyond sad because sad has a reason. There is no reason for me to feel this way. And yet I do.

I will not use drugs. I will not hurt myself. This will pass. Hope is defined by my character not any particular event. I'm sure you understand readers. Find one person who believes in you and wants to help you

4 comments:

  1. What is your idea of forgiveness when dealing with traumatic events from ones past?

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    1. There is a difference between forgiveness and holding on to a resentment. Forgiveness as in releasing a person from responsibility is a lofty concept. I prefer to release myself from hating or resenting a person. Those burning pains hurt me in the long run. However, I also chose not to interact with those same individuals. I am a grown woman with free choice. I choose to be myself and live my truth

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  2. do you feel writing is a good coping strategy for you?

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    1. Yes. I also was talking with my friends. I feel WAY better today than I have in 4-5 days.

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