Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Do no harm!

What does it mean to be clean? This is a frequent question posed by my readers. Clean is subjective and personal. I am in what is known as abstinence based recovery. I, personally, do not drink alcohol, smoke pot, take suboxone or methadone, take any illicit drugs. This decision was made after many long harm filled years of experiments on the nature of clean. I personally go bat shit crazy at the addition of any mind or mood altering substance. My life becomes utterly unmanageable in a matter of days. This is my path. I've done/ do twelve step as well as other forms of recovery to assist me in being abstinent.

As far as you and your recovery, I am here to help you by not judging. Jake is dead today because a well meaning group of recovering addicts convinced him he was not clean because he was on methadone. No, they didn't stick the needle in his arm but they convinced him to stop taking the thing that was keeping it out before he was ready. Our advice and opinions can seriously injure another human being. It's about "the desire to stop using" not how people practice that in their daily lives. 

If you are on an opiate replacement, doing your thing and not using, keep your head up. If you used to shoot smack and now crush a few beers, you are still winning.  Rejoice in your accomplishment. Set goals. Pursue dreams. If you used to be a stone cold junkie and now you want to smoke pot, not my place to tell you what is going to work for you. Love yourself. Live your life. Find someone who believes in you. 

A person who wants to define reality for another in pain is doing it out of ignorance or pure selfishness. If I am not sticking a needle in my neck today, the world is full of possibilities. If you can't lift me up, sit down and get out of my way. 

My love for you today is unconditional. I am a believer. You can do this. 

5 comments:

  1. Wow, what an incredible and powerful post.

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    1. Thanks. It is based a a relationship I have with a person on suboxone who is trying to do the right thing and getting pulled in ten directions.

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  2. Tracey, Everyday I look forward to reading your blog. You give me hope. I watched the film a bunch of times. An addict myself I could totally relate. Ive been on methadone now suboxone. Im not always happy about it, sometimes i feel stuck i get sick of being physically dependent on it. but yes life could be a lot worse. At the moment my life is in shambles but i am recoverying or in the beginning processes. thank you for putting your heart and soul out there for ppl like me to read. I am learning one day, one second at a time. Theres an unspoken bond between addicts, we all know the pain inside that addiction brings.Again, Thank You, your words inspire me. j.

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  3. Fyi I have ppl in my life pressuring me to get off of the suboxone. I kicked the methadone at home w no help at all. 40 days and nights of mental and physical hell. couldn't take it and got back on suboxone. I def know how it feels to have ppl in na and my family not accept me on suboxone. i get so tired of these ignorant ppl who know nothing about it. j.

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    1. Thanks for reading. I'm glad I could say or do something that has helped you in some way

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