Wednesday, May 29, 2013

My birthday- Carry me

Today is my birthday. Always a bittersweet day. I am older but in a sense I am a year farther away from the grave than a year closer to death. When I did the movie "Black Tar Heroin" I never believed I would make it to 30. I lived to use and used to live. Deep inside myself though, a spark of hope existed. I wanted to believe that despite all the evidence that I was going to die a worthless addict, there might be some way I could survive.

As a scared, tired 27 year old I made my way into recovery through the jail house. I literally had to be locked up. I could not, would not stop using on my own. Things were hard for me. Slowly, they started to improve. 

In my forties, my struggles are different. I have age lines on my face. I have track marks, stretch marks, had three csections so I have a spare tire. My weight is a struggle. These are luxury problems. Honestly,survival looks good on me. I am sophisticated beyond my years. I am not getting loaded. i am not selling drugs or my body for survival. I have love. I have stories to tell. And I have you. 

Feel free to leave me comments today or any other day. I always read them. The pic below is a modern day remake of the scene from the movie where I'm grabbing my knees wondering if I will ever get clean. 

20 comments:

  1. You are beautiful. You are amazing. Welcome to another year! Congratulations-the world is a better place for you not having skipped out on it. Thanks.

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  2. Wishing you a happy birthday from England. Love reading your stories. All the best!

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  3. Happy Birthday, I hope you have an excellent day and receive a great fix of hugs and kisses.

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  4. I am so happy that you live to tell... It gives me hope and strength...Another year further away from death- Thats right!!! Much love Melissa

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  5. Happy birthday, Tracey!

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  6. happy birthday!! keep enjoying life Tracey!

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  7. Happy Birthday! Feel good about yourself.

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