Tuesday, April 16, 2013

The Relationship Question

After the question of can I stay off drugs, the next question is the relationship question. If you have a relationship, a person may ask how can I convince this person to stay? If you are separated you wonder if bold sober gestures can return your lover's affection. If you are alone as most of us start off, we begin to plot and scheme our way back into some type of relationship.

I was quickly formulating ways to manipulate outcomes. Although I had never had a healthy relationship, I was sure I could secure one with all my prowess. I was staring into a pool of water. The reflection I saw was not myself but the person I hoped I could evolve in to after I found a man. I needed to see myself clearly before I could begin to find a relationship.

Of my early recovery suitors, one relapsed. Another discovered he was gay. A third was a sex addict. The final one, the one I thought had some possibilities, beat the girlfriend I did not become. A victory of common sense saved me from that man. The years I spent celebate pursuing my own self interests was time well spent. I needed to reset my dead beat magnet - turn it in the off position.

Meeting my husband was a happy accident. Sometimes I just need to clear out the damage in my life to make room for the opportunities.

1 comment:

  1. Love this pic of you, you're gorgeous! When actively using we usually convince ourselves it isn't "that" obvious but we come to life once we gain our soul back by putting down the drugs obtained on the prescription we wrote ourselves for the ailment of reality.
    This picture is a great one because when I look at it I see a person who is ALIVE, not just living.