My week at work was fucked. It started out with a client assaulting a staff member. Glass was everywhere in our lobby. When a client is taken away in handcuffs by the police, it is never a good feeling. There is a serious downside working with addicts and people with mental health issues. They are unpredictable.
The person was crying way before the police came. I know that cry. There is a particular cry that we all have when we KNOW we have fucked up. Whether it is a relationship or missing an appointment or using again after periods of abstinence - we just know we fucked up something good. For many people, this begins a cycle of depression and self- loathing. It is easy to feel worthless. It is much harder to face our mistakes head on. Opiates lend themselves to stewing in your own brew of negativity. Opiates create a hatred marinade. And the flesh that gets grilled is tough. It will not yield to delicate handling.
There is a scene in Black Tar Heroin where I am laying on the bed with a red face. I have just used heroin for the first time after six months. Yeah- that feeling. I can pick myself up or roll with the downward spiral. I chose option number two there. Today, I accept myself as capable, lovable, resilient. If things happen, I am going to roll with them in a way that is working towards a solution. Chose wisely friends.