I am going to spend my lunchtime at work writing more for my book. I am up to 54 pages. I would like to get a first draft complete by June. I think I will complete my goal. Writing this book has messed with my mind. I am dreaming about people I have not seen in many, many years. I had a dream about heroin last week. This is not unusual but always unwelcome.
In case you are wondering, I am the manager of a large program that helps ex addicts and people with issues such as depression get jobs within the cicil service system. We provide meaniful opportunities for employment. My salary is paid for directly by the California 1% tax on millionaires to pay for innovative mental health services. Chances are if you used drugs, you have some history of anxiety or depression.
I have a certificate in substance abuse counseling but I do not work directly with clients on a daily basis. I am in constant contact with addicts seeking recovery as they are in my office building. I see them everyday waiting in line for detox. Many are at the worst point in their life seeking help. There is also a suboxone pharmacy on another floor of the building. I ran into an old friend there a few years ago. I used to go over to his apartment to get away from Ben when we were having our arguements.My friend had been shot in the head in the middle of the day. He was shot from a few feet away right where we used to hang out and survived. It always seems like who died and who survived is so random. Who ever shot him must have really wanted him dead. So very random. yet, he survived and this STILL did not stop him from using drugs. The motivation to stop also can be quite random. As a drug counselor, you never really can tell who is going to stay clean. Random.
I am attaching two pictures. One is the black tar heroin DVD and one is a pic of a few items I was handed down from Jake after his death. Writing this book is dragging out all types of memories. My son was pulling at his pajamas because he wanted to get his pull up off. He wanted "diaper on". These kids are so strong willed. They wear me out!