One of the things we learn in recovery is that our judgement is off. We need to take time. Slow down! Go beyond your first thoughts. Take time to think about consequences. I should have realized anyone who wants to be with an active addict is also sick. Whether it is going to a party where people might be getting loaded or wearing a condom, a split decision can change your whole life.
For me, the visual set off chaos. The flash of money. Neck tattoos. The look that told me this person REALLY needed me. I liked to call them "project men". Men like to fix up cars or stereo systems. Women like to fix up men. We like to put our stamp all over that dead letter and then ship it back "return to sender". I always tell my straight women friends - men are like buses, another one will be along in fifteen minutes. The probably is figuring out where you want to go on which one to get on. Maybe a little simple but the only person I can change is myself. The same can be said of same sex relationships where rates of addiction can be even higher in those communities.