I am sitting on my couch drinking coffee. When I first started going to 12-step meetings, I used to get sick to my stomach. It took me months to realize it was from the smell of the coffee. Cheap black tar heroin is cut with coffee. I never drank coffee before recovery. The smell if the coffee brewing set off that craving that you feel in your guts.
People ask me if I still have cravings to use- fuck yes . I would LOVE some relief from my daily stress. I could curl up right now in a lovely warm blanket of opiates with a benzo chaser. My body does not work like this scenario. One is never enough. When that switch is flipped, I want more! More is not enough. It is sort of like when you are sitting in a circle of people and the crack pipe is being passed. You can not focus on being high for long because you are so focused on when you can get the next one.
There is also a strong possibility I would die. I am one greedy dope hog that likes to use alone. Fuck sharing! Sharing is for kids.
And so I chose not to use. I chose not to get started on that path. I'll drink black coffee and stare at the walls.