Monday, July 15, 2013

Heroin Sucks.

Heroin Sucks. It sucks the life from you. It sucks up all your time and energy. It sucks away the friends, family, and support system we need to thrive as human beings.

I am sitting on my couch drinking coffee. When I first started going to 12-step meetings, I used to get sick to my stomach. It took me months to realize it was from the smell of the coffee. Cheap black tar heroin is cut with coffee. I never drank coffee before recovery. The smell if the coffee brewing set off that craving that you feel in your guts. 

People ask me if I still have cravings to use- fuck yes . I would LOVE some relief from my daily stress.  I could curl up right now in a lovely warm blanket of opiates with a benzo chaser. My body does not work like this scenario. One is never enough. When that switch is flipped, I want more! More is not enough. It is sort of like when you are sitting in a circle of people and the crack pipe is being passed. You can not focus on being high for long because you are so focused on when you can get the next one. 

There is also a strong possibility I would die. I am one greedy dope hog that likes to use alone. Fuck sharing! Sharing is for kids.

And so I chose not to use. I chose not to get started on that path. I'll drink black coffee and stare at the walls. 

3 comments:

  1. Your kids will need you for a long time which is the best reason to stay sober!

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    Replies
    1. True. Although in that moment ppl do not always think about the kids. I hada friend who relapsed and died with her child in the room with her. Very sad

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  2. Good for you for staying strong!

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