Sunday, July 7, 2013

He has my toes

After the excitement of bringing home a newborn wears off, then begins a lifetime of parceling up parental characteristics. I have three children. My middle son has my face and eyes. My daughter definitely has my love of books. She also has my penchant for a good screaming fit from time to time. My youngest son has my toes. He loves a good, long nap which I like to enjoy with him. 

Unfortunately, I wonder on a near daily basis, which one of my children will be an addict. A better question- how can I keep this from becoming a reality? My children have never seen me take a drink of alcohol. I will never be under the influence in front of them. I am completely open to questions, including the uncomfortable ones. I take them on public transportation. I explain about homelessness, drug addiction, and mental illness. Most of all, we spent tons of time with our kids. 

Will these things prevent addiction in my family? I am unable to see into the future. I can tell you that I am more than willing to go up into any crack house, ho stroll, or shooting gallery in America to get my child. I am willing to park at the corner to wait for any dealer trying to serve my kids and put a pistol in their face. I also am more than willing to show up at any party my kids may be at to see what is REALLY going on.

These kids may have my toes or eyes. They also have my genes. I do not need to be their friend. I just need to keep them safe. These are just my opinions. Eventually they will go off on their own. Until then, I am one nosy mother in need of a pedicure. 


  1. Hi Tracey!
    Have you read about students who turns to "smart drugs" to enhance their study capability? Students use ADHD medicine such as Ritalin (amphetamine like substance)and other substances such as reminyl, rivastigmine which are primarily used for patients who suffer from Alzheimer´s disease. I think this could be a risk and a gateway into a hard drug scene for ambitious students.

    Please have a look at the link:

    1. People have been abusing these drugs for years, especially Ritalin.

  2. I saw another pic of your feet.on another post. Did being homeless age your feet? They looked like the soles had hard lines in them. How did you deal w the lice when you were homeless?i had it once, got it in collage and am still traumatized by it...its the worst ESP w my long hair. These may be silly questions but i wonder about all the gritty details.

    1. Shooting up in my feet messed with them. To get rid of lice, I went and got medicine and would get a hotel room to delouse myself. I also had to have a friend delouse me before. Ive had lice so many times. UGH.

    2. Your kids may not become addicted. Addiction runs in my family: alcoholism, gambling, narcotics, and it has yet to get it's grubby grip on me *knock on wood*. Not to say I didn't have reasons to want to escape life, I wasn't popular as a kid, I was precocious and chubby, teased a little, my home wasn't a "loving" home. I knew I was loved, but I didn't always feel it. We didn't say I love you, or hug, or share our feelings. My Mother definitely preferred my younger sister over me. My Father was incredibly overbearing, yelled all the time, was very strict, and put high expectations on my performance in school. He also had a gambling problem, which caused he and my mother to fight CONSTANTLY. It's a miracle I didn't turn to drugs. I can remember my parents instilling the value that "drugs are bad" into me, at a very young age. I don't remember any specific lesson they gave me, only that I knew drugs were wrong and scary. Anti-drug PSA's were heavy on the airwaves in the 80's and 90's, and I watched a lot of tv. "Nobody ever says I want to be a junkie when I grow up" the "He ain't heavy, he's my brother" song attached to a person getting out of rehab, and Carol O'Connor saying "Get between your kid and drugs, any way you can!" still to this day, make me uncomfortable.

    3. I didn't smoke cigarettes, even growing up in a house where both parents smoked, I thought it was disgusting. My sister did too, she and I both are the only two people on both sides of the family (aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, parents) who have never smoked.

      I didn't drink underaged until I was 16, and my friends wouldn't let me drink more than a few times. I was a little too nuts, and so they convinced me to be the sober person to "take care of them" instead.

      While my friends all started experimenting with drugs at 14, smoking pot, hash, dropping acid - nothing major, and none of them became addicts, I didn't decide to try them until I was 17. I tried pot 3 times. The first time, I didn't feel anything - couldn't have inhaled. The second time I laughed a lot. The third time, it felt different than the last time. My eyes felt like they were pulsating out of my head, and I freaked out. I didn't like the in a fog feeling I had, like from cold medication. I really didn't like the pulsing sensations in my head, and never did pot again. I tried ecstasy once when I was 18. I liked it, but thought that I was "too old to try drugs" and never did any drugs again.

    4. Growing up, my uncle was a recovering alcoholic, and while he was sober my whole life, I was still aware of the fact that he was alcoholic. I was also aware of the hereditary factor with addictions, and knew I had likely had the addictive gene from my gambler father. When I became legal age to drink (19 in my country), I went out every Thurs, Fri, Sat night, and I drank to get drunk. However, because I was so conscientious of alcoholism, I made three rules for myself for drinking.

      1) I never drank before 8pm.
      2) I never drank alone - if I wasn't getting ready with friends, and was meeting them at the bar instead, I wouldn't drink at my apt without them, and played catch up there.
      3) I never drank on Sun, Mon, Tues or Wed.

      Anything outside of my defined weekend, felt "too alcoholic" to me. I partied hard for two years, then leveled off, to the occasional social drink with friends. I'm 31 now, and while I'll go out on Monday nights for margaritas with the girls, or have a beer with lunch on Wed, I still don't drink alone, and I don't keep wine in my house. I really enjoy the taste of wine. Because it tastes so good to me, I can see how it could easily become a bottle a night habit, and then turn into a problem.

      For me, being conscientious of the dangers of drugs, and acutely aware of the hereditary factor to alcoholism, kept me away from the allure of substances. While I never had the urge to use, I have always had a morbid fascination with drugs. It started with an episode of the entertainment tabloid show "Hard Copy" that talked about heroin. It was discussing Kurt Cobain and River Phoenix's death, comparing them to Janis Joplin and Jim Belushi, showing a city's skid row, littered with needles and homeless addicts. I was 12, and I had never heard of heroin, but I wanted to know more about it. I was a teenager in the age of grunge, heroin chic, and LOVED ABC's 20/20. They had an episode discussing the controversy of heroin chic in fashion ads. I was also obsessed with the movie "Trainspotting". There was never any shortage of media concerning heroin, and while I was fascinated with the drug, it has always made me feel uncomfortable, and does to this day.

      Have your kids check out the antidrug PSA's that are forever ingrained in my head. Talk to them at an early age (I wouldn't have been any older than 6 the first time I heard "Drugs are bad! Promise me that you'll NEVER take them"), expose them to shitty drug movies, at an appropriate age, and when you're ready, make them aware of your struggles, and the hereditary factor. Education is DEFINITELY the way to fight drugs.

      Here's a link to a playlist I created from the PSA's that affected me most.

  3. Ha, I've never been one to summarize. Sorry to take over. I think you're doing the right thing by exposing your kids to homelessness, and being open with them about drugs. They'll get the message that drugs aren't glamourous, and that will do a long way, in keeping them from falling into the pitfalls of addiction. You're a good mother. *cheers*