Hey Tracey, I went to my first NA last night, it was pretty surreal. I am so emotionally fragile (I'm still in the midst of kicking with Sub) and have been so isolated apart from being with my boyfriend these last few months that I literally cried any time somebody looked at me, and couldn't talk at all. It was hard, I'm not a tough person, all these people seemed so much tougher than me and I am like butter, plus heroin has significantly diminished my already desperately low self-esteem to the point where I feel like I'm walking around with my head down and my tail between my legs like a beaten puppy, it's fucking embarrassing. I kept wondering if they thought I didn't belong there, kind of like I was somehow cheating because I hadn't been all the way to the bottom yet and there I was asking for help to get to the surface already. I keep questioning myself, does heroin have to take everything from me before I can start again? Or can I try to restore what I have left? Have I suffered enough? Am I a spoiled brat? I don't know the answers yet. I have a practical question for you though, when they ask you for days clean what do you say if you are on sub? I guess I am not clean yet because I am not abstinent, although I have not used heroin for almost 3 days now which is approaching my personal best, I have still used my prescription Valium, pot and sub, do you just politely decline to answer when they ask you how many days in this case? I don't want to trigger anyone. Congrats on being on track for the book goal! Lots of love, anonymous.