Sunday, June 2, 2013

When the Dope Starts Doing You

When did it happen? When was the day when you realized you no longer were experimenting with drugs- the drugs required your daily attention. We all like to feel we have self-determination, that we are able to make our own choices of our own free will. Yet, over time, it happens. There is a familiar feeling. I need to use. I want to use, yes, really though I need to use to manage my physical being. 

Other drugs are more subtle. Cocaine tells us "I don't really use coke. Do you have some?" We might see speed or MDMA as some type of adventure trip. Opiates on the other hand make addiction and it's physical dependence very clear to me. It's starts with the dream that ends, a runny nose, a twitchy legs and huge pupils. It says "Bitch, get up." Heroin was the only pimp I ever had-  that drug had me working 24/7. 

My addiction may be different but the suffering is all the same. The only difference between me and many others is I drove that car until the wheels fell off. I abused my body, my mind, my spirit until recovery was my last option before death. Make no mistake- heroin will kill us. The bitch demands a body daily, a sacrifice to our utter distain for the evidence of our inability to function as normal human beings. 

I will send positive thoughts your way today if you are using drugs. I will pray for the dealer denying life in every plastic baggy. I will give my love for the hooker who is taking an extra $20 to not use a condom right now. I will grant you my readers the option to release your pain in these four paragraphs. Chose to live today. Make just a few good choices. Love the body you are in and nourish it with forgiveness. Pray for change. 

Below is a picture from intra nasal naloxone. Get some and save a life. 


  1. Keep em coming my friend, it is so wonderful having known that Alley Tracey to The Clean Tracey, I admire who you have become, hear you say you wanted to have kids some day but having the smarts to know you where not ready and not being selfish and having one or many in your addiction like many have. what I'm saying it is so beautiful when I go on FB and see you with your family the smile on your face and the love I see in the eyes of your children and you is amazing. You are a SUCCESS STORY . keep em coming my friend, I can never tire of reading your stories, Because I know the both Tracey's

  2. Hi Tracey! I'm french and it's not easy for me to write in english but I want to say that I'm very happy to find your blog and to read your posts! It's a pleasure to discover your life and to see that you are a healthy person now with your family. I'm psychologist and thanks to you, I could have an other regard about the addiction. Thank you.