Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Open letter to my Readers

I have no story for today. I thought I would speak from my heart. I was up crying last night. Why you may ask? I was crying for a few reasons. I get between 25-50 emails a week. These emails are from addicts around the world. Some are from people who have been in recovery. These people want to reflect on their experience. Some emails are from people who have never used drugs. Many of them thank me for making "Black Tar Heroin". The movie is the reason many people decided to never try opiates. Finally, the last category of emails are from active users. These emails bring me to a place of overwhelming sadness. 

I have not used drug in fifteen years. That is a fact. Yet I can easily recall the feeling of being strung out and desperate to have hope. The feeling readers describe of questioning "will I ever stop using?!" Strangely, it is so easy for me to remember that place where only the pain remains and desperation was my only friend. 

I answer all my emails. I text and email people in acute detox. I have sent words of encouragement to anyone and everyone. The reality is that it will never be enough. That makes me sad. There are so many still suffering addicts. Big Pharma is creating new ones every day. 

Someone asked me recently if I am a narcissist and I use this blog to get attention. If that was true, I certainly would tell more flattering stories about myself. I was an addict that would do almost anything for drugs. Now, I'm clean. The blog is about the transformation. I am living proof that ANYONE can stop using substances. I wish I could tell you HOW to stop dear readers. I do not have those answers. I can only give you my experiences. 

I am happy to have helped you. I am happy to provide you with a brief reprieve from your daily insanity. I think of you and wish you all the best. 

8 comments:

  1. I'm having my wisdom teeth extracted next month and I'm afraid to use painkillers afterwards, not because of any past addiction, but because of all the stories I've heard of people becoming addicted after being prescribed pills for a legitimate reason.

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    1. Just ask yourself- do I need this? With tooth surgery you can usually alternate opiates and ibuprofen for one MAYBE two days and be done. Opiates mask real pain, they don't get rid of it entirely. You will be fine.

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  2. grin n bear it? ;)

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  3. Well, at least I was only born with 2 and not 4.

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  4. I don't think there is anything particularly narcissistic about this blog, you write honestly about your past and present and I for one am glad to see a story from an addict who is now clean, addicts need hope and support and people like yourself sharing their stories are one way we get that support. I am over a week sober again since I relapsed and I am determined that my alcoholism will not get the better of me. I am in a very difficult place right now but people such as yourself give me hope of a future in recovery.

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    1. Sometimes a good relapse is all it takes to make a person realize they have a problem. My sponsor has been clean 24 years relapsed after 11 months and has never used again

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    2. That gives me hope, too. I think I did need this relapse, I hadn't been doing what I needed to do and I guess I got complacent. I know for a fact that I don't want to go back to drinking like I did, I couldn't function at all. It was frightening. I guess I needed the scare.

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