After losing one child to miscarriage I knew I was being punished for having sucked too many dicks for money. There was not even that many but even one makes you a target for cosmic retribution. The death of my hero- my first attempt at a child. I was a failure as a woman and it stung like a missed hit. It was my fault, I knew it somehow. I had to mourn.
The amniotic test. Will you allow them to stick a needle in your old stomach to suck out proof that you can not produce any thing that is good or healthy? Please please please spare my child the mark of the mother. I feel the cramping, the needle the waiting. What will I do now?
What if something is different about my child? Can I blame them for being something less than perfect? Why did I wait so long for you? Why am I testing out a fantasy? A perfect healthy baby- a dream.
I'm waiting for the call for my future. All the chromosomes line up. Maybe God or nature is a forgiving witness. They know how I wanted my babies
|A mother and her love|