Tuesday, February 12, 2013

The children

I am hopelessly in love with my children. From the second I saw their faces, I knew a love that beyond anything I could have ever imagined. The lives I created bring a joy into this world that gives me hope. There was a period in my life when I did NOT want children. I think this way mainly because I didn't think they were possible.

Having experienced the evils of the world, I lay awake some nights. Maybe this was why I started having panic attacks at 41. I am unable to sleep because I want to shield them from the dark places that I know exist somewhere. If only there was some road map, some landmarks, I could tell them to steer clear of for their safety and my sanity. I want to give them the best opportunity I can at joy.

In creating my blog, the fuller picture of my life is that I am a caring mother, a good citizen, generally boring on the daily. I traded insanity for the fragile balance between dutiful mother and raving lunatic. I remember we always knew when our mother was really mad "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" or if she called up by our FULL names. I am seeking for find my own niche. The special things about me my kids will remember. Popcorn with movies, tea before bed, kisses and hugs, wiping their snot with a receiving blanket. Who knows what parts of daily existence will create my parenting legacy.

I love the children. I love their soft faces. I love being part of their lives.