Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Being present

It is that time of year again. Hopefully I will be fast asleep as I tick of another year clean. I am not sure where you are right now. I am not sure what part of the world you are in. Are you suffering from addiction? Have you used drugs today? Are you feeling alone in recovery? Something unites all of us.

I enjoy being clean but it is hard for me to be present. It has gotten easier over time but sometimes I catch my mind drifting off. I live in a fantasy world most of my child hood.  My adult years were spent stuffing my feeling then BAM we are supposed to process all of them. Flooding is what it is called in therapy. Drowning is what I call it. All of your feelings flow over you like a wave and you are struggling for air.

When I sit with my children and I snuggle with them, I am flooded with a different type of emotion. I honestly cannot believe how much I love them. They are such special little people and I am privileged to be part of their lives. "Read story- AGAIN". So cute. Cute overload. They have balanced out the darker part of myself. I can play tea party. I can look at a leaf in a whole new way. The day they were born, I was reborn. Much of my connection to the universe was restored in the moment I first heard them cry for me. I have love and I have acceptance of myself. They see me as the embodiment of all the things I want to be: good, fair, honest, loving. What a gift.

I haven't forgot about the struggle in my daily life. But there is a time and place for it. I am sharing it with you and you are sharing it with me. As I enter another year in the journey, I will take you to all types of places in my writing. There is a darkness but it leads to a good place. I hope you will take this journey with me.

My brother sent me the picture below. It makes me laugh.


  1. you were such a beautiful child,and have become an even more beautiful adult.