Sunday, September 22, 2013

Anonymous from US

A couple years ago I had a little bit of a habit.  It's something I've struggled with since i acquired my first one way back when. I had come into $30 early in the day, going to breakfast with my mom.  Returning to the apartment where I was crashing with my running partner, I got right on the search.  Just our luck his friend was over and she could get it.  She just had to ride the bus across town and pick it up.  She'd be right back.  I was already getting sick, but this seemed like the best option.

Well, as you guessed she was gone ALL FUCKING DAY.  At the dude's house, waiting on him to give her a ride back to us.  She left at maybe 11am and got back around 6pm, but at least she had our black.  I couple of points of what they were calling the "pure".  It certainly wasn't, but at least my buddy and I got well.  As it turned out her guy was a good friend of my sister, so feeling bad about leaving me and my friend sick all day, he offered me a 20 of meth.  I had just gotten well and my friend didn't really like meth, like once in a blue moon he would smoke a little bit.  So I do my due diligence as a friend and ask if he wants to smoke some.  Nope.  Right into my arm it went.

Fast forward to about 8:30 the next morning, I'm the only one awake, geeking out on my phone.  Somehow, I got to looking at the m4m ads on Craigslist, don't ask I guess I was just trying to look at the WHOLE internet.  I came across this ad for young men who would be willing to do a bondage photo shoot. Says they will be compensated nicely.  Now, I'm a pretty open minded guy, tolerant, some of my best friends are gay.  So I send the guy an e-mail, thinking I might hear back from him in a day or more likely, not at all.  Well not ten minutes later, I'm texting with him, he's telling me that he's free that morning.  Having spent the entire previous day (and a lot of the ones before that) dopesick, with no recourse, I figure fuck it.  If he's a serial killer at least I won't have to be dopesick all day again.

So I wake my buddy up and tell him if I don't call him in two hours to call the fucking cops.  He's a little taken aback, as this isn't something that one would expect to ever come out out of my mouth. ("Call the cops")   I hurriedly gloss over the situation, telling him I'm going to do I photo shoot with a dude I met on craigslist.  He's rightfully worried, but I'm basically already out the door.

I won't go into detail, but over the phone we had agreed on 100 dollars, to take some pics, and I understood that I would be nude.  Meh, whatev.  Well, it turned out dude had I nice little grow-op going in his garage, and suffice to say, I left there with $100 and 35 grams of FIRE marijuana. 

This led to me surfing craigslist for other men I might be able to make some money off, as well asking for help finding clients from every prostitute that I was a friend of a friend of.  There were a couple of guys that would regularly call, but they didn't pay as well and they basically just wanted me to suck them off.  Not my favorite thing in the world to do, but I gotta stay well.  

"Craigslist" as I called my first, was my favorite.  He was into kinky shit, and in reality so am I.  But I like to play the dominant roll when I'm doing it for fun.  So it was a nice change of perspective, and something I kind of enjoyed (except the whole cock in me thing).   And he always payed me well, cash and chron.  And he was actually a pretty nice guy, when we weren't in session.

Anyway, I started doing all this to fund my heroin habit, but in order to put the implications of what I was doing out of my mind, I started using meth heavily.  Like really heavily.  Probably a gram a day, to myself.  This quickly turned into a vicious cycle of heroin, to maintain, meth to get high, and hustling, to fund it.  I was making way more money than I had been boosting, and there was way less effort needed.  And way less risk.   This led me losing control of me drug habits and going off the deep end pretty bad.

I had a friend that was moving across the country, back to her home state, and she offered to take me along, if I wanted to get off the smack, and cut back of the shards (she's kind of a tweaker, not bad, just uses occasionally).  By this time I was just looking for a way out the situation I had gotten myself into.  So I did it.

A few months after I moved, I had found out about the road and got a quarter G of heroin.  And it was far better that I had anticipated.  I gave my friend about a 60mg shot and she almost died.  I gave her a black eye
I between slapping her in the face in between cpr and chest compressions.  I just didn't know what to do.  It scared me pretty good.  I still use heroin periodically, I've managed to keep it under control, but the fear of overdose is pretty big. That is why I was asking about the narcan...


  1. I'm not trying to be a bitch, but can you reaaally use heroin periodically?

  2. Hey Tracey thanks for sharing this blog with the Internet I'm grateful of this, I'm a recovering Addict as well and its nice to see others able to talk about it, Cheers I can be reached at