my assessment of depression
I never knew Robin Williams but I thought I would add a few words that are in shock or grief. I feel like I can provide some insight for you. As a person that has struggled with depression since childhood, unfortunately I am never surprised when a person takes their life. Yet, of course, I am profoundly sad. I feel a connection with that person. I remember walking about in my pajamas as an adolescent for week at a time, wanting to sleep my life away. No one could put a label on this feeling, until one day they did. Depression hangs over you like weight pulling you into the earth with no soft landing. Depression pushes out all other thoughts and leaves no room for competition with joy. Depression chains you to the couch and disarms you with it’s subtle dismissal of hope.
When a depressed person first discovers drugs, it is a revelation. It provides a warm sense of relief that fill your entire body. Finally- I can be in the company of my fellows. Finally, I can talk without question my words. I can feel things because my pain is muted, until it slowly creeps back in. Drugs and alcohol provide a measure of relief. They do. And as quickly as the relief came, it leaves us with more problems. Picking up the shattered pieces with bloody fingers and a dull mind, we retreat back into our shell.
A person who brings great joy is also capable of great sorrow. We addicts now empathy can be channeled to crystallize the beauty of the world. One day however, our feelings can overwhelm us. We do no leave because we do not love you, we leave because we do not know how to carry on. Give someone you love a hug today. Let them know that they are valuable to you. I did not know this man, but I have been him many times. It was only when I was dying that I truly realized I wanted to live. Please get the help that you need. Someone loves you.