traceyh415

Hi Friends, It has been awhile since I've written anything. With the specter of coronavirus hanging over all of our heads, there are days when I find it challenging to put together a complete sentence. I have gone through all of the various stages of guilt. I have now settled on a sort of acceptance. I cannot change this broader situation. I can only focus on my little part of it. These include: Trying to get an adequate amount of sleep, taking my psychiatric medication twice a day, checking in with a therapist periodically, texting friends that care about my well being, taking at least 30 minutes a day outdoors, and collecting cuddles from the pets. I have had to implement various changes to adjust my routine. Meditation is also helping. Also- drinking water.  As a person with a life long history of depression, I fully assumed I would be curled in a ball in bed for the duration but strangely, I can good at adapting to a crisis. As a person who likes graffiti, I have no problem wea...

If you are wondering what it would be like to meet me, I am a total bitch in real life. Everyone thinks I hate them for the first two or three months they know me. It is not that I hate everyone. I am very socially inept so it comes across as if I am scowling. Plus, I am silently judging you. I am summing up all of our differences. I was harshly ridiculed in elementary school because of both my weight and my intellect. Children were very cruel to me. There were many days when I imagined myself being an entirely other person. I would sit out in the yard in the summertime. The screen doors would be open. I would listen to my parents argue. I would imagine myself as an adult but I was generally dissatisfied with my visions. There was one summer I did not take a shower or get out of my pajamas for two weeks. I am not sure what my parents thought because they did not say much of anything. There was not a word in my vocabulary for what I call it now- depression. Depression comes in waves...