Drugs are an illusion


You ever have a day where it seems like everyone has left? Where did the time go? Where did my life go? I was just sitting here trying to get a hit. Then, one day I looked up and you were walking away with someone else. There is no one who can stop the pain I feel knowing what we had was real but now you are over me. I see the grayness in my skin and the ashes that burn like the spoon in front of me. Just add water to my reality. I can give you forty units of my time as long as you surrender to the fact the person you knew ran away.

Most people are running to something. We like to set a goal and reach for our assumptions of happiness. I found this ONE thing that makes me happy. This ONE thing but it kills me just the same. Have you ever seen someone turn blue? In their glassy eyes you see the future. Do I give them what they need to live or do I walk away from life. The decisions we make change the course of galaxy. While we are looking into the stars, other people have their feet on the ground.

Addiction is a selfish bitch. She requires all our attention. Addiction is a jealous lover- do not EVER try to leave or you will face the consequences. I am leaving this time. I am leaving and I am never coming back to this life. You will see the metamorphosis, the evolution of a stronger person. I am can be myself without you. Drugs are an illusion. I am ready to start something real. I will pack up my shitty attitude, my poor dental hygiene, all my fucking resentments and start something brand new.

Comments

  1. AnonymousJuly 26, 2013 at 10:16 AM

    Very poetic and poignant.

    ReplyDelete
  2. MamakatJuly 26, 2013 at 10:37 AM

    Very powerful. Motivation for today

    ReplyDelete
  3. MamakatJuly 26, 2013 at 11:03 AM

    Doing well thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousJuly 26, 2013 at 3:18 PM

    I know you've said before that you're uncomfortable with being referred to as a hero, but to have gone through all that shit and come out the other end IS inspirational... no matter who you are. You are amongst the everyday heroes!

    Weird question to stick at the end but are you/have you ever been scared of the dark?

    Love from Wales, UK x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. traceyh415July 26, 2013 at 3:47 PM

      Yes. I have a phobia of escalators. Also, I am afraid of people which is why I do a lot of interaction in this medium. Also, I find a person I use as my muse during my writing process. I interact with a particular person in early recovery. Then I write my stories to them although I suppose they may be unaware of this process. It helps with my anxiety.,my stories are about me but they are written to the readers of my blog or my muse.

      Delete
    2. traceyh415July 26, 2013 at 4:27 PM

      I actually am hoping a new muse appears in my life soon to help me get through the last bit of writing my book. Thanks for reading my blog

      Delete
  5. dukettaJuly 26, 2013 at 8:01 PM

    Thanks Tracey! I love the jagged edge of your metaphors.

    ReplyDelete
  6. mielkayAugust 16, 2013 at 11:38 AM

    Tracey your words inspire those dealing with addiction and family members of addicts. Please keep writing and giving everyone hope.

    ReplyDelete

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