I am truly inspired by you readers. I love reading your comments and emails. If you do not Speak English, email me your questions. I will put them in google translator and send the answers back to you. traceyh415@hotmail.com
Well...I have some questions, if I may...does your husband speak Russian and is he originally from Russia? The reason I ask is because I *thought* I saw a post of yours saying your daughter speaks Russian but I could be mistaken.
I was wondering if you will someday give us a full tour of all your tattoos and tell us the meanings behind each of them...I really enjoyed seeing and hearing about your butterfly caught in a web tattoo and wish to know about the others. Are some shown in the movie now covered-up?
Also I do very much wish Mr. Okazaki would put together another Black Tar Heroin-The Dark End Of The Street movie, just using footage he shot but never used in the first film...do you think that could ever happen? Does he read your blog?
Also do you know anything regarding how Teresa is doing?
My kids are in Russian preschool. Steven took left over footage and made a film about me an Ben. I have never seen it. I haven't seen Teresa in 10+ years.
Watching that Theresa footage again just fills me with gratitude. I'm so grateful that I haven't had an abscess in over 12 years, I'm grateful that I no longer have to have $20 sexual encounters, I'm grateful to be living in a place with it's own bathroom and no blood spatters on the walls & ceiling, I'm grateful to have made it out of hell alive & mostly sane. I'd never even watched BTH before I started reading your blog. I was homeless & living it first hand at the time, and the hotels in which I sometimes stayed weren't the type that offerred free H.B.O. I knew it existed, but had totally forgotten about it, until your blog reminded me. Now that I have watched it, I think it's probably the best documentary I've seen on this subject. It hits really close to home for me, uncomfortably so, but serves as an excellent reminder of how fucked up things were when my life revolved around Black Tar Heroin. I have so much to be grateful for today! Thanks for the reminder!
I'm not one of those folks in recovery that suffers from all that "euphoric recollection" jazz...When I think back, I remember quite vividly how miserable my day-to-day life was back then, how I used to believe that death was preferable over what I was calling living. Problem for me is that most of the time I chose NOT to think about how life used to be. I tend to act as if it never happened. The reason that's problematic for me is that every now & again I find myself being guilty of prejudice when it comes to judging people who are still "in the life". I get this false sense of being better, which I know is total bullshit. I forget how choice only has so much to do with becoming an addict. Then I watch a film like BTH and everything falls back into perspective. I'm so thankful that you're doing this blog. It's a great source of inspiration for people who's lives are being affected by substance abuse. I'm sure it gives a lot of people HOPE. Thanks for writing & I'll keep on reading!
Very interesting read, i am 50 and stopped smack and alcohol 5 years ago but still ended in hospital last year for 5 weeks in a coma 5 weeks as a cabbage 7 weeks with pneumonia brain infection, collapsed lung fluid on the other and diabetes but i fight on walk with a stick but not dead yet....
I want to get this in one place. Here you go When was the film made? The film was made from Dec 1995 to Dec 1997. Originally the film was supposed to be for one year but I believe when HBO picked up the film they wanted two years. How were you picked for the film? Steven met a bunch of different people at the youth needle exchange. He wanted subjects that were slightly younger than me. He filmed a few other people that never made it into the final film Were you paid for the film? No. I was not paid for the film. he bought me a hotel to stay in for a week and bought me lunch a few times. I think they left some money for me when I was in jail too. Documentary film makers, in general, don't pay their subjects. Was I friends with the other people from the film ? Sort of. I never knew Alice. I met Oreo when he was 15 or 16. He was VERY young when the film was made. His mom used to work the desk in one of the hotels I lived in. Jake and I used to hang out. At one point h...
I would not describe myself as a person who was an actual prostitute. When I think of prostitutes, I think of the ladies of the evening flagging down cars to make their living by any means necessary. Prostitution is not the world's oldest profession as many have been brainwashed to believe. Farming is the world's oldest profession. Prostitution was created out of need and survival. You have something I want, I have something you need right this minute. Turning a trick is part sex, part power struggle. It is not always unpleasant but it is dangerous at every level. As an opportunist addict, I was willing to do dates if the price was right or if I was desperate. I turned many men away over time. I was young and pretty enough to be selective to a certain degree. I had my own rules and I stuck with them for the most part. I never went out at night. I got money upfront. I would never, ever spent the night or agree to go to an apartment at night. I knew three or four girls who were r...
"Hand me the alcohol wipes" I reach over the bed " this is finally starting to drain" He hand me two packets of alcohol pads. "Damn Tracey. How many fucking times are you going to do this to yourself?" That question rang in my mind for a month to come. I had been performing surgery on myself. I was laying on the bed of our hotel room. We had hustled all day to get the $35 we needed to stay here tonight plus money for dope. Soon, we will have to do the whole thing all over again. For now, I needed a place where I could take off my pants. I needed to lance this abscess to get the pressure off. It wasn't getting all that red or hard but it hurt to walk. I knew the signs. I knew when to go to the doctor. I had been there many times before. The clinic would slice me open and send me on my way with some sterile water and gauze to pack my wounds. I was quite the amateur doctor, at least in my mind. I had taken a new syringe and stuck in the middle of...
What a nice post this is of yours.
ReplyDeleteWell...I have some questions, if I may...does your husband speak Russian and is he originally from Russia? The reason I ask is because I *thought* I saw a post of yours saying your daughter speaks Russian but I could be mistaken.
I was wondering if you will someday give us a full tour of all your tattoos and tell us the meanings behind each of them...I really enjoyed seeing and hearing about your butterfly caught in a web tattoo and wish to know about the others. Are some shown in the movie now covered-up?
Also I do very much wish Mr. Okazaki would put together another Black Tar Heroin-The Dark End Of The Street movie, just using footage he shot but never used in the first film...do you think that could ever happen? Does he read your blog?
Also do you know anything regarding how Teresa is doing?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCQ9U2mztZA
My kids are in Russian preschool. Steven took left over footage and made a film about me an Ben. I have never seen it. I haven't seen Teresa in 10+ years.
DeleteHe knows about my blog. Not sure if he had read it
DeleteWhat a wonderful photo! That's one seriously elegant feline you have there!
ReplyDeleteHis name is Smokey and he is mean to everyone except the family
DeleteWatching that Theresa footage again just fills me with gratitude. I'm so grateful that I haven't had an abscess in over 12 years, I'm grateful that I no longer have to have $20 sexual encounters, I'm grateful to be living in a place with it's own bathroom and no blood spatters on the walls & ceiling, I'm grateful to have made it out of hell alive & mostly sane. I'd never even watched BTH before I started reading your blog. I was homeless & living it first hand at the time, and the hotels in which I sometimes stayed weren't the type that offerred free H.B.O. I knew it existed, but had totally forgotten about it, until your blog reminded me. Now that I have watched it, I think it's probably the best documentary I've seen on this subject. It hits really close to home for me, uncomfortably so, but serves as an excellent reminder of how fucked up things were when my life revolved around Black Tar Heroin. I have so much to be grateful for today! Thanks for the reminder!
ReplyDeleteI did not watch it for many years but I see bits and pieces and it gives me the creeps to see the conditions I existed in
DeleteI'm not one of those folks in recovery that suffers from all that "euphoric recollection" jazz...When I think back, I remember quite vividly how miserable my day-to-day life was back then, how I used to believe that death was preferable over what I was calling living. Problem for me is that most of the time I chose NOT to think about how life used to be. I tend to act as if it never happened. The reason that's problematic for me is that every now & again I find myself being guilty of prejudice when it comes to judging people who are still "in the life". I get this false sense of being better, which I know is total bullshit. I forget how choice only has so much to do with becoming an addict. Then I watch a film like BTH and everything falls back into perspective. I'm so thankful that you're doing this blog. It's a great source of inspiration for people who's lives are being affected by substance abuse. I'm sure it gives a lot of people HOPE. Thanks for writing & I'll keep on reading!
ReplyDeletethis blog is an outlet for a lot of people
DeleteI hope it is as cathartic for you as it is for so many of your readers.
DeleteVery interesting read, i am 50 and stopped smack and alcohol 5 years ago but still ended in hospital last year for 5 weeks in a coma 5 weeks as a cabbage 7 weeks with pneumonia brain infection, collapsed lung fluid on the other and diabetes but i fight on walk with a stick but not dead yet....
ReplyDeletewow you should write about it. i would love to hear that story
Delete