Friday, August 16, 2013

Cravings

One of the questions I recently received from a reader : Do you still have cravings? This is an excellent question. The answer is complicated but i will attempt to explain my view. There are two types of cravings. The first type is the fuck it all cravings. I may have a day or a week clean but something sets off that feeling in my brain. I know the drugs have some power of me. Why? Because I am willing to say fuck it all. Fuck you, fuck this, fuck it. I need a hit. I can not take this shit anymore. At this point, it takes some type of near divine intervention to stop the process ie you can't find it, you can't get money, your kid or mom calls you at the last second, you car breaks down etc. 

After the compulsion to use ends, you get different kinds of cravings. These are the kind I experience today. They aren't quite fuck it- I'm clear using drugs doesn't work for me. They are like - damn I wish I could have some relief right now. I may be upset, tired, angry, or whatever and having something I could use to fix my emotions would be appreciated at that moment. Those feelings are temporary. If I run with those feelings, they can turn into a fuck it all craving. So I don't let myself marinate in my own misery. I find something to relieve my stress. Many drug addicts turn to food, shopping, sex, gambling, coffee until we learn positive outlets. I am clean but I am not cured of my behaviors. 

So as long as I keep myself removed from drugs and deal with my emotions, I am preventing those fuck it all cravings from taking over my body. We can do this thing. We can take control of our lives. I love you and you know this...


3 comments:

  1. Food is my craving. Although I'm not obese I am a diabetic. The stress this week learning about my family member's heroin addiction caused me to eat things I'm not allowed to. I caught myself by the third day before it became detrimental to my own health. My own diagnosis was in April, around the same time she began abusing heroin. I'm struggling coming to terms with diabetes because of years of poor eating habits. Part of my personal problems began with a severe back injury. I was less active and I gained weight. I had surgery and spent a few months immobile.

    I know we have a long road ahead of us. I'm so frightened for her. I just wonder if she's being honest about when the drugs started. We do know she only started injecting a month ago. She only has track marks on one arm. I'm sorry for bothering you with our problems.

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    1. You are not bothering me at all. This is a good place to vent your frustrations.

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  2. you are truly an inspiration. i look forward to starting anotha clean and sober day with one or two readings from this blog. thank u for reminding me that recovery is happening and keeps happening for anyone who honestly wants it. POWA, jen

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