I'm 17 years old, I started smoking BTH when I was 14 and within a year I fell into intravenous use. It was a daily struggle, and to make matters worse, I lived right next to the border in Tucson, AZ! Everything there was inexpensive and of fair quality (50 - 60$ per g of black, gave nods and pins/needles off of just one point with a high tolerance, knocked you out otherwise), and before long it became a daily struggle of fighting off sickness and finding ways to get money so I could pick up.
Thankfully, now I am about 6 months clean now off chiva. My parents moved me to Phoenix earlier this year in February because I OD'd real hard after getting out of a 60 day in-patient rehab program. I didn't have any heroin connections here, so I resorted to doing whatever I could get my hands on once I got here; I downed fifths of hard liquor every day, smoked eighths of bud in one sitting, popped oxys, dillies, percs, k-pins, xannies, whatever I could find to fill this empty void. The only thing that even came close was listening to Lou Reed while crushing and banging 8mg dilaudids one after the other until I would overdose and black out, wake up bruised with a bloody nose from falling over, have a throbbing migraine, n puke covering the tile floor. My apologies on being graphic.. but even then I kept going, trying to fill that void which I mentioned earlier. I couldn't stop myself, and nothing could satisfy me as my beloved chiva out of my reach, so I resorted to going to great lengths in order to imitate that high, or that "low," rather.
In the end, this attitude of not wanting to face even a hint of sobriety ended up hitting me hard. On of this year I did some really stupid shit while I was under the influence of many substances, and I was arrested and detained, and placed on roughly 3 months of house arrest (ankle monitor and the whole bit). August 5th is when this house arrest ended, and I was placed on one year of probation. Twice a week I have to go to this place called TASC and piss in a bottle while some guy watches me.
I don't know when I will be able to stop going and submitting these drug tests, but I must say, this is really what's been keeping me entirely clean for the first time. I've tried in-patient and out-patient rehab, didn't work, I've tried NA, I resorted to fixing in the bathrooms during meetings, I even tried getting a sponsor and the whole bit! Wasn't my thing, unfortunately. It wasn't until I saw the documentary (Black Tar Heroin) for the second time this year that I actually had a legit desire to stay clean. Not some "oh I should get clean" attitude, but a "I really need to figure my life out before I fuck up and OD again, what if I end up six feet under this time" kinda thing.
Yeah, the drug tests keep me in line, I can't fuck up or I'll get detained again. But there's like a bigger picture than that, like.. life, for real. "What am I gonna do with my life," panhandle on a daily basis and live my life as a heroin junkie, from fix to fix? No, I'm better than that. And you helped me come to such realization. Being a junkie only ends badly if you can't escape the strong grip of addiction before it's too late. Now that I have this opportunity, I'm going to try my hardest and make the best of life. A sober life.