Wednesday, January 1, 2014


I started writing this blog Jan of last year. I had been privately doing my thing as a semi-soccer mom in relative obscurity until  2011. I started getting a collection of weird facebook requests from people taking about the movie "Black Tar Heroin". Hmm. I wondered why but did not think too much of it. Then, 2012. my ex Spanky pointed out to me that people were watching the movie (or at least poor quality 15 min segments of it) on you-tube. The movie was getting tens of thousands of hits. Suddenly, people were interested in my story over a decade after the filming ended near Christmas.

As time went by, I became more interested in the comments section because close to 80% of the comments I saw on you tube were full of fallacy yet it was not just a movie, it was MY life, it was MY friends these people were talking about in those comments. So I decided to make some of my own videos. My first updated video I wanted to define my own narrative.

Finally, in 2013, I started writing about my experiences. I went through prostitution, rape, depression, violence, excessive yet glorious drug use, abscesses, attempted suicide, nearly being killed, shooting everything from gutter water to PCP, and the process of ending the one solid relationship- that one with a little brown substance that takes everything and demands MORE. I also have had a chance to support a large community of guest writers. I have really been pleased with the results.

I was going tot close my blog this month dear readers but I guess I will keep on going for now. I enjoy your thoughts, your stories, too much to let them go this month. I am going to put together some juicy stories just for you this month then get back into the last of the editing of my book. Happy New Year my loves. I hope this year we will only get safer and stronger.


  1. I appreciate your blog.

  2. Hey Tracey,
    Please do not close your blog, you have simply no idea what your writing does for other active and recovering addicts out there. I as a recovering addict, have found your blog a nice dose of fresh air. People who are either recovering addicts or who are in the throes of active addiction maybe a lot of things, but one of the better ones is being able to tell the stories. That could one day deter someone from ever picking up the needle, or snorting that line or toking on a joint. You and I are torchbearers in a sick demented kind of way, yes we both have gone down the road of all of the issues and downfalls that comes with addiction, but we both have risen out of the ashes and are still going and are at the forefront of helping others in need or preventing those from starting. Simple words written on paper or in the internet can scream volumes to individuals and no one should ever underestimate that at all. Granted with your life being a little more structured and a hell of a lot more hectic one can understand your wanting to close up shop, how about this instead of closing up pick and chose when you want to post. There is no reason you should feel committed to posting so often etc., the posts you have put on here are from the heart and pull at every emotion in the human spectrum. When I read some of your passages, I think to myself yes I had an addiction to opiates they were the prescribed ones in pill form, and not the powder in a bag nor the tar in a balloon, however they were still opiate based and did the same thing when I ran out of them in regards to sickness, however I see similarities how my lifestyle changed just like yours did in addiction. I take great comfort in knowing that you are brave enough to speak about your experiences and while reading your posts I take solace in knowing we are similar and it is nice to see I wasn't the only one that did this or that while addicted. I hope what I just said makes a little bit of sense, I know I can tend to ramble on. I have also decided to create a blog starting tomorrow, it will not detail a ton of my addiction days, more along the lines of yours talking about present tense situations of where I am along with the mixture of the past. Because as any recovering addict can attest thinking about the drug of choice and how it made you feel will subside a bit with time, but it is something you will never ever forget, but also take the time to realize the price one pays for that little 3-4 hour warm high also. I know I paid over and over with my money, possessions, pride, my family's trust and love and most important my life almost on a few scary occasions. Like, I said Tracey, it has been a pleasure to have you as a Facebook friend and to read your blog whenever you do post, so please DO NOT shut it down completely, just post whenever you feel the need to. Besides there are plenty of older posts newer fans of this site can catch up on while you stir up some new writings for us all. Take care, and I am 14-months clean and sober on the 29th of December, one day at a time it can be done folks!

    1. Congrats. Maybe you could do an anonymous post for me some time

    2. Oh, heck I would be glad to for sure. I have loads of journals I wrote in while I was addicted, and looking back all the stories are not of doom and gloom or treating those I loved badly. But, most of us recovering addicts like most folks who have never used are not drawn to happy go-lucky type stories, it is not that I have morbid sense of reality or humor, but to read the real gritty stories of drug addiction and their outcome has always interested me even while I was a teen. I read Bukowski, Burroughs and Hunter S. Thompson before they were deemed cool by Johnny Depp in 1998, and they literally glamorized multiple drugs in their writing, but also closed with using tales of caution of excess etc. But, I would be honored to send ya a blog post on here, I will work on one tonight for sure if that is ok with you Tracey, until then you keep up the great work and congrats on the continued sobriety.!

  3. thanks for not ending this Tracey, i enjoy reading these and im sure a lot of others on r/opiates do too. keep up the good work n happy new year!

  4. Please do not stop this are saving lives and helping others, and you are living proof that ANYONE can change! Stay strong and keep this blog going

  5. . Tracey,

    As a family member of several heroin addicts currently in treatment facilities, your blog gives others like me hope for recovery. I found your update videos and blog months before learning of the active addictions in my own family. I've previously commented on my niece's heroin addiction that we found out about in August, in October she went missing and was coerced into prostitution. Thankfully we were able to find her and get her help. She went through detox at OSU Medical center and is in private counseling instead of NA meetings which seem to trigger her addiction. She's over 3 months clean. Unfortunately her husband is an active addict and will most likely die from his addiction. My niece chose to get clean for her children's sake as well as her own so she has no contact now with her husband.

    My step brother detoxed at a VA hospital after developing a severe chest infection and is 60 days clean. I have 4 relatives in the Refuge Rehab, a 13 month residential treatment facility. The last addict will go into treatment directly from a Cincinnati jail. A year ago I would of never thought several of my own family members would be struggling with heroin addiction or the things they did to fund their addictions. Theft, fraud , drug trafficking and prostitution. The thing that worries me 3 of my relatives only agreed to get help to avoid prison sentences for forgery and drug trafficking.

    Your blog was an eye opener and helped me be less critical of those struggling with addiction in my own family. Your blog also makes me question my own use of opiates. I am prescribed 6 a day because of a back injury that is causing my vertebraes to deteriorate. I also have the option to receive morphine or demorol injections at the ER on the days my medicine doesn't help. I've had only a few injections.

    Please continue your blog because your experience with active addiction and recovery gives many people hope besides myself.

  6. thankyou tracey for your good work I am an addict not ready to give up yet but you inspire me to clean up thankyou i appreiciate what you do imensly

  7. Thank you so much for this blog, and for sharing so much. I can't begin to express how grateful I am for it. I hope you have and can find the time and energy to continue. Wishing the best for you and your family always, in all ways.