Monday, October 12, 2015

The tail that wags the dog

Heroin had me searching all over for things I would never find.
The truth was right in front of me.
Like the blood that poured over my skin when I pulled out the needle,
I just missed that point.
I loved drugs. Loved them. Did I mention I fucking LOVED them?
Heroin, amphetamines, MDMA, LSD, benzos, cocaine.
My love for all of you made me insane.
I'd be searching the Tenderloin with no shoes on.
Walking barefoot over broken crack pipes
I thought Jesus called my name.
I'd see Satan at the Civic Center smoking rocks,
Charlie Manson was at the corner.
He was a guerrilla pimp on a bicycle.
The chicks were sucking dicks in vans
Strange men found then on their lunch hours.
What was my life?
Just hand to mouth to bag to vein to pleasure then pain.
Until I did it again. And again. And again.
You were everything I loved and hated.
That syrupy substance that promised me release.
I cast all my burdens upon the poppy.
The promise of relief was too powerful.
I didn't need food.
I didn't need hugs.
I didn't need love.
I didn't need you...just for that moment.

I wiped the pinned from my eyes one morning.
I could finally see again.
My dog wanted to walk.
My cat wanted a scratch.
My snatch had an itch for some company.
My bank account had a positive balance.
My family let me come around.
I was free.
Heroin will never completely let me go.
She waits for me.
That one last passionate embrace.
That last goodbye, the last shot I never gave her.
She wants me back.
17 years later...that bitch still calls me from time to time.
I don't answer.
Not because I don't love her.
But because that love I have consumes everything.
Because that love that saved me once almost killed me twice.
I have to be satisfied letting it go.



4 comments:

  1. Addiction is a lose lose game. Wrecks your life while you're on. Despite that, it makes you miss it while you're off to the point that it becomes a daily struggle. Wish you all well.

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  2. One more time for the last time?? ... You're my hero for having such balls of steal... Forgive the expression... I love your balls btw <3

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  3. This really hit home for me. Great read!

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