Stories of parenting, insanity and addiction
I am an addict who wants to recover and quit emotionally hurting those who love me... I found you on reddit.... I've been using pain pills for 10 years, they have taken my home, my business which was successful at one point, 2 brand new sports cars, 3 bank accounts and pretty much anything and everything of value, and the one that hurts me the worst is I gave up a girl I truly loved for pills.... I've watched your documentary and read your writing daily.... I had 3 weeks clean until the day before my grandmother passed on Wednesday, I quickly shot back up to my old tolerance spending 60 to 100 a day and I will be out today.... You inspire me, I hope to put the recovering in front of the addict... Your story really does give me hope, if only I could afford a good doctor because I believe I will be a dual diagnosis, I have no money or insurance and I am afraid of relapse unless I treat the underlying problem.... Didn't mean to write a book but oh well.... Keep on doing what you do!
Thanks for writing me. You are a strong person to see all the things that have kept you going but still have the desire to stop
I am from Nashville Tennessee, like most who read your blogs, I found you after watching the documentary. After all you went through it gives me hope that I can become a recovering addict instead of just a plain ol addict. I have been using a half to a gram every day for several years and its time to stop. I still love doing it, but the worry of trying to cop every day and hold down a job is a bitch. If the Mexicans get popped or run out and are closed down for a few days, its the end of the damn world! Im sick of it. Im sick of waking up sick and going to work and watching the clock until they start answering the phone. Im sick of pulling the same old scams to come up with the money so I wont be sick. Basically , Im sick and tired of being sick and tired. Im tapering down, got the Suboxen ready, Ive even gone a few days the last week with out anything. Keep up the good posts!
Thanks for reading my blog :)
This is the roughest it's gonna be for you. I have gone both cold turkey and suboxone. Do what ever it takes to keep getting through another day and remember you never have to use again, even if you want to.
Thank you Holly..unfortunately, I got a half gram today. I have still cut way back, and am still planning on quitting. Just at a slower pace. I know that sounds lame, but hey, it is what it is.
I don't think it sounds lame. It just sounds like you are really struggling. I don't want to sound like I am talking from a moral high-horse, because I know how difficult it truly is. Just know that recovery is an option. Please don't ever give up on yourself.
I'm a reporter who is writing a book about the Mexicans you speak of -- all from the state of Nayarit. I'll be in Nashville next week -- Tuesday and Wednesday -- and would like to speak with you if possible. i'm at firstname.lastname@example.org....see my story in the LA Times about the Mexican heroin delivery guys by googling my name and Heroin Road.....Good luck to you, Sam Quinoneswww.samquinones.com
I just want to say that the request is legtimate and you can see sam is listed in my blog roll and I am a big supporter of his work
I have read Sams article in The LA Times. I would love to meet you Sam. I will email you.
I'm from the Buckeye state. I seen you years ago on the HBO program. I searched you out when we found out my niece was struggling with heroin addiction.
Thanks for reading :)
I'm from Atlanta, I got involved with an addict/alcoholic a few years ago and it left me reeling. Reading other people's stories and accounts is helpful.
One of my longtime readers ;)
I just found you last week, I am Holly from Bellingham, WA. I am a a recovering heroin addict who finds you to be truly amazing and inspiring. You made my heart smile after watching the movie and finding out you were 15 years clean. Thank you for sharing with us and giving us continued motivation!
thanks for reading :)
Hi,Im defenatly not from your part of the world. Sweden. Stumbled across Back Tar Herion after recomendations in a forum. Was said to be a sure eye-opener and it sure was.My name is Stefan and im 33 years young.I am a willing addict. Got a bad form of cancer, termal. Mostly around my neck/throut. Very sensivite parts. After 7 operations and 2 radiotherapy sesssions i have a lot of pain. Mostly from nerves sending the wrong singal. But also from the cancer-lumbs self.So when the pain goes up, so does my daily intake of drugs. Mostly morphin. I am taking so much no so that i dont feel anything when i take a new load.Also take drugs that help me with my anxaity.Have tried to step back on the drugs, but even with my small doeses it is hard. I cant even start to imangine what you must have gone thru.I am forever grateful for you, this blog that you show that there is always hope, even for those who was/is counted out. Perhaps even my cancer can be defeatable.I wish you all the best, that the life is nice on you, and all happiness in the world.Best Regards,Stefan
Thank you so much for writing. I hope that you overcome your cancer and find peace.
Hi -again :)Stefan again. Thanks for your best wishes.After a good(not really) night sleep i cant stop thinking about you and the others from the documentary. I have red up on the updates and understand that sadly most are dead.I know that this might be the wrong place to ask a question but i'll give it a go.First of all a personal reflection. Before i saw the documentary i red some comments about it. Saw that one person had managed to kick out from the drugworld.When i later started watching it i thought of who it be. Directly you where introduced i knew and hoped it would be you. Even after all you had gone tru you still had that look in your eyes. Look of a fighter and survivor.So the question. You where using hard drugs frequently back then, for how years? Apart from all mental brusing how are you affected today? Thinking of how much your body can recover after something like that?I am very much unaware of how drugs work and what they do longterm. But i always thouhgt that your body couldnt come back after a period like yours. But it seems that i was wrong. You look amazing from what i have seen.Thanks once more. The documentary and you are really inspiring. I hope many more can follow them and be inspired and belive that you can recover.All the best from Sweden, expecting the first snow today.Stefan
I used drugs and drank 10 years but I was a heavy user for 10 years.
I am from Toronto, Canada. I was a three sport athlete throughout school and university. I ran (and still run) marathons. I am an exercise addict and have an eating disorder which has been the main focus of life since about age 15 (39 now). Then I got injured while running and was prescribed painkillers about ten years ago, which then led to anti anxiety meds, and now that has become the main focus. I ran out of meds early one month and spent a week in withdrawal hell. One thing I've taken from the documentary and the blog is to do a lot of reflection and my main problem is loneliness. At every turn I've been alone. Had one relationship which was 18 years ago, and that only lasted a year. Since then I've kept wondering...why doesn't anyone want to get to know me? That's where this obsession with exercise, food and such gets crazy. 'I'm gonna FIX this - if I lose this much weight then someone will notice.' Then came the pills, which felt like a friend, a lover, a warm blanket just out of the drier being wrapped around my cold body. If I can't find a person to love or trust, dammit, at least I've got my pills. And I know as I'm writing this it sounds bad...but that's where things are right now. Thank you for updating us on your blog and inspiring us to not 'be the best' but just 'be'.
Just another dope less hope fiend who gets inspiration from those who have travelled similar paths.. thank you Tracey
thanks for reading :) you are back