I am fat and out of breath- running for my life. Addiction is always one step behind me. I got a Benadryl hangover that feels like I have not rested since the day you tied my arm off. I cannot relax. I cannot waiver. I am a lonely hungry animal surviving on scraps of what others consider affection. My affliction- the ever present desire to destroy ever thing I touch and call it normal. I dreamed of you again. The two lovers that can never touch in Dante's Inferno. The desire is there but you withdrew from me long ago.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Fat and out of breath
I am fat and out of breath jogging for the train. It is cold outside. I am scanning the concrete looking for ground scores as I head to the station. One day I found two shiny quarters. Another day I found a hair tie. I am living in the present as my backpack slings back and forth in my haste. I am intrinsically tied to the past. I eat like I am still in jail. Done in three minutes. I shower like I am on the tiers- leave the door open so I can see who is coming. I cover my eyes with a sweatshirt sleeve like I have for the past twenty years. I sleep so lightly, wondering who is sneaking up on me.