Mood swings

Question of the Moment: How do I deal with the mood swings that come when you stop opioids.

Answer: I wish I knew.

Opioids act as a mild anti-depressant from most of us. I would also argue that a good chunk of us had mental health issues to start with: depression, anxiety, PTSD, and the like. Op
ioids feel fucking good. Why else would we take them, right? Well, I think the answer is more nuanced. Opioids have diminishing returns. At a certain point, the don't feel THAT good. Continuing to take them is more of a stop gap measure to avoid the mental (and physical) hell that comes from getting off of them. The higher the dosage ie the more you are taking, the less you are generally getting out of them. I strongly recommend any of my active user friends out there try remedies to reduce tolerance. It is a few days of bullshit but it will mentally benefit and financially benefit you. Baby rhino tolerance = baby rhino spending and the potentially criminal bullshit that comes with keeping that beast fed.

My mental state is a series of ups and downs. I notice recently that social media is making this worse. Everyone is younger, prettier, happier, and more social than me according to these pictures. Also- fuck your flat stomach. Just kidding, sort of. I was skinny once too, it just took starvation and a metric fuckton of stimulants to get there. I've been on a diet for 18 months so excuse my bitterness. I'll take another sip of coffee to wash that down. Black of course. Cream and sugar have delicious calories. Anyway, find some things you like. I have my support animals. I try to walk 3 to 5 miles 5 days a week. I have a few close friends that seem reasonably okay with my levels of sanity. I periodically have fits and block people. I don't know why I am an asshole at times. Isolation tells me I don't need people then reason slowly creeps in.

I personally have avoided psych meds. This is my own internal fears and stigma. Don't listen to me, do your own thing. Mostly, I have been terrified of the potential side effects. I can honestly say I will take them if my cycles of depression get much lower. I'm not afraid- I'm just cautious. Not that "I don't want to be dependent on anything" bullshit that anti medication people spew. That is not it. It is more- I am afraid of weight gain, sexual side effects, and not feeling myself. But, as I said, I'm open to anything that might help me in the future. If things change, you'll be the first person to know because I have no filter.

I went on a hike yesterday. I don't know how I went from a country girl to the Tenderloin to a suburban mom type but I did recognize how to find rabbits. Seven year old me was excited that I still recognize tracks that don't involve removing a syringe.

Comments

  1. UnknownJanuary 22, 2018 at 11:11 AM

    Your blog make my days easier. You´re really good at putting some humor into all the seriousness around addiction.
    I can really relate to all your posts too. Keep it up, we´re many that think you´re awesome!!
    //Kind regards from Sweden

    ReplyDelete
  2. josh_kuebler@yahoo.comJanuary 22, 2018 at 3:28 PM

    Great writing!

    ReplyDelete
  3. louis365January 22, 2018 at 6:50 PM

    Well...way I see it...almost every adult is dependant on drugs these days, at least in North America. Could be just caffeine, and/or cigarettes. Fast food, etc. Yes, even fast food, I classify as a drug, in a way. All are very addictive.

    ReplyDelete
  4. UnknownApril 14, 2019 at 5:57 PM

    First I know how you feel. I'm a year clean and gained 50 pounds. Before I was a 110 pound stripper at 33 with two kids. I would tan heavily to look younger but I lost my body and now clean. I recently went off my antidepressant and I became severely depressed they really do work. However, I have no sexual desire even before I was on antidepressant I don't know if it's the suboxone or what. I lost it years ago the only way I enjoyed sex was on meth. So now I'm an aging addict clean but short and fat with little income. You however come so far you have a job, book, and completely independent. I'm on disability with two college degrees. You really made it! You should be proud.

    ReplyDelete

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