To all my readers- I wish you a SAFE holiday season. I hope you are with people that care for you. If you are alone, remember this pain is temporary. A solution can be a moment away.
I hope you had a wonderful Christmas with your beautiful family, Tracey. I am catching up on my reading, I check back every 3 weeks or so and read everything you have written since my last visit. I love your stories, your way with words. You are an inspiration. I really hope that one day I won't be ashamed of my addiction. I would love to speak out against the stigma, to tell people that it happens to all walks of life. One day. Until then, I hide behind my screen name and pretend to be mommy of the year, taking my daily dose of Suboxone in secret. Oh well, whatever works, huh. Bless you, Tracey
I want to get this in one place. Here you go When was the film made? The film was made from Dec 1995 to Dec 1997. Originally the film was supposed to be for one year but I believe when HBO picked up the film they wanted two years. How were you picked for the film? Steven met a bunch of different people at the youth needle exchange. He wanted subjects that were slightly younger than me. He filmed a few other people that never made it into the final film Were you paid for the film? No. I was not paid for the film. he bought me a hotel to stay in for a week and bought me lunch a few times. I think they left some money for me when I was in jail too. Documentary film makers, in general, don't pay their subjects. Was I friends with the other people from the film ? Sort of. I never knew Alice. I met Oreo when he was 15 or 16. He was VERY young when the film was made. His mom used to work the desk in one of the hotels I lived in. Jake and I used to hang out. At one point h...
I would not describe myself as a person who was an actual prostitute. When I think of prostitutes, I think of the ladies of the evening flagging down cars to make their living by any means necessary. Prostitution is not the world's oldest profession as many have been brainwashed to believe. Farming is the world's oldest profession. Prostitution was created out of need and survival. You have something I want, I have something you need right this minute. Turning a trick is part sex, part power struggle. It is not always unpleasant but it is dangerous at every level. As an opportunist addict, I was willing to do dates if the price was right or if I was desperate. I turned many men away over time. I was young and pretty enough to be selective to a certain degree. I had my own rules and I stuck with them for the most part. I never went out at night. I got money upfront. I would never, ever spent the night or agree to go to an apartment at night. I knew three or four girls who were r...
"Hand me the alcohol wipes" I reach over the bed " this is finally starting to drain" He hand me two packets of alcohol pads. "Damn Tracey. How many fucking times are you going to do this to yourself?" That question rang in my mind for a month to come. I had been performing surgery on myself. I was laying on the bed of our hotel room. We had hustled all day to get the $35 we needed to stay here tonight plus money for dope. Soon, we will have to do the whole thing all over again. For now, I needed a place where I could take off my pants. I needed to lance this abscess to get the pressure off. It wasn't getting all that red or hard but it hurt to walk. I knew the signs. I knew when to go to the doctor. I had been there many times before. The clinic would slice me open and send me on my way with some sterile water and gauze to pack my wounds. I was quite the amateur doctor, at least in my mind. I had taken a new syringe and stuck in the middle of...
I hope you had a wonderful Christmas with your beautiful family, Tracey. I am catching up on my reading, I check back every 3 weeks or so and read everything you have written since my last visit. I love your stories, your way with words. You are an inspiration. I really hope that one day I won't be ashamed of my addiction. I would love to speak out against the stigma, to tell people that it happens to all walks of life. One day. Until then, I hide behind my screen name and pretend to be mommy of the year, taking my daily dose of Suboxone in secret. Oh well, whatever works, huh. Bless you, Tracey
ReplyDeletethank you for reading. I am posting about once a week now. I have slowed up a bit since I have a book due in August
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