90 day wonder

"Hey Tracey I have 90 days clean " he says. 
I see the glow has returned in his eyes. He has that look, that swagger. That pep in his step like fuck yeah my dick works AND I can take a shit every fucking day. Feel me?  I haven't seen him in awhile. I assumed he was in jail. When people come around after rehab, they have this bloated look on their face. Like a fucking chipmunk storing up for a relapse. Their food reserves hang off their cheeks. 

The first week after getting off dope is spent masterbating, showering, and marveling that a needle is no longer hanging out of your arm. The first month is depression alternating with boredom. Suddenly you are sober to realize OH GOD I FUCKED UP MY LIFE. There are parents to deal with, bills to pay. If you duck off to treatment, these will be waiting for you when you come home. It is amazing how fast collection agents get your new addy.

By the second month, the connection is no longer on speed dial. Fuck, they may start calling you. They sound like a jilted lover "hey bro- what's up? It's been awhile." Fuck you dude. Remember when you gave me one fucking bag for my play station, the one I got for Christmas. Eat a dick. Or at least you WOULD say that if you were not so scared you would need them again. 

By 90 days, you think you are solid enough to come around scumbags like me. Yeah man, let's chill- you, me, and this monkey on my back. You look like shiny new money to me. Should I ask you to get high? No. Too obvious. Should I ask you for some money. Negative. You will say no. 

"Hey man. You look good. You know I am going to see my boy. He has that fire man. But I know you don't do that anymore. Much respect." 

I can practically see the money fly out of your pockets! You got 90 days bro? You got some money. Well, once I get you back on that horse, I got 99 problems and a fix ain't one. You are about to hook it up. 

That is this life. 
What comes around goes around. 



Comments

  1. UnknownOctober 8, 2014 at 7:21 AM

    Best post yet Tracey.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousOctober 8, 2014 at 8:59 AM

    Frank Sinatra never posed ironically next to a police vehicle

    ReplyDelete
  3. Crystal BearrOctober 8, 2014 at 9:31 AM

    Tracey, this one hit home, so true. The dealer calling you, scared to tell him off cause you may need him, selling your stuff to him for next to nothing. My dealer was my Uncle and he harassed the hell out of me. 15 months clean now and I miss him but I know I can't talk to him. He's close to death but I know I can't be there. It breaks my heart. I know in some twisted way, he really loves me. He just loves my money so much more.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. traceyh415October 8, 2014 at 12:02 PM

      This is based on my own experience of people getting me high after i got out of jail

      Delete
  4. AnonymousOctober 8, 2014 at 5:06 PM

    Thank you for posting this. - Alex/Pinuptual

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousOctober 9, 2014 at 1:37 PM

    Great post! 8 months clean here my dude saw me driving down the road stopped and laid on the horn! Lol didnt stop. Gotta see if I still have youre email....Becca

    ReplyDelete
  6. UnknownOctober 9, 2014 at 8:20 PM

    Just saw the documentary on YT and your comment led me to your blog. I am very happy for you that you kicked the habit and became a mom:) I wish you streinth and a long, happy life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. traceyh415October 9, 2014 at 8:44 PM

      Thanks for reading. I have a pretty chill life but don't forget my past

      Delete

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