Tuesday, July 29, 2014

The Overdose

There is some mold building on the windowpane. The streets are calling me back again. If I die in this room, will anyone know my name? Will I be toe tagged Jane Doe- DOA from an overdose. If I settle for a moment, will I slip into darkness. I washed down those pills with Old English. If I light a cigarette to wake myself up will I catch myself on fire on top of this mattress? There are holes in my socks, holes in my jeans. There is a hole in my heart as deep and as wide as the tears that fall on my shoes when I scream. Or at least I thought you heard me cry but it was just a lucid dream. 

If I die today, will I grip the table- gasping as I try to stay? 
Will I slip into the abyss while you sleep three feet away? 
I promised you that I would stop. Another lie, another day. 
An overdose, a life explored
Death is my comfort
My pain is now yours. 

3 comments:

  1. My husband passed away of an overdose while I slept next to him. Funny, I wasn't using then, but 3 1/2 years later, I'm in bed deep with the very monster that killed him, my "under-cover lover". I am too afraid of the withdrawals to quit..I have a family to take care of, a job to go to, a Bachelor's degree to finish up..Maybe someday.

    ReplyDelete
  2. My brother died from an bad drug combo /overdose and I think of it everytime I go to sleep high,...he slipped into darkness and never woke up from his nod. At times I see him as lucky, as he died peacefully in his sleep and most pray they go the same route..as I snap out of a nod I am briefly reminded that one day I may not snap out of it. Addiction has a white knuckle grip on my life but I somehow manage to maintain my cover of being clean, but I fear one day someone will try and wake me up and find me dead....even with this fear I continue to get high.

    Life without my mental escape method seems almost impossible to imagine, but seeing Tracey live happily with her family gives me hope that I will be able to have a family of my own one day...my father also died from a drug related heart attack, as well as many friends of mine, this blog helps give me hope that there is a life possible without drugs...and a happy one. Thank you Tracey....jf

    ReplyDelete