Monday, July 21, 2014

Tainted Love

"I can use a little help here ..." I scream in hopes he is listening "Fuck you and your nod. Get Up."
I hear him scratching before he opened his eyes.
He asks me "Dude- why now?"
"Just come here and hold the side of my leg, Okay?" I tell him.

He hates this shit. He hates this part of me. He was somewhere far off into a nod while I am sitting up tweaking. I did some speed last night. Now, I am sitting on the dirty hotel carpet stripped down to my boxer shorts. I wear boxers because it is easier to get up into my snatch when I have drugs stuffed in there. My new place to hit has been the vein than snakes around from my knee leading down to my thigh. There is one major problem tonight- I have a raging infection in there right now. I need him to hold one side of my leg so I can lance the center. It hurts so fucking bad, I can't do it on my own. ESPECIALLY since I am tweaking my ass off. My leg is so swollen, I am dragging my leg like an extra from "Thriller" or some creature feature.

He protests instantly "Tracey, I do not want to do this. "
Ugh, men can be such bitches some time. It is a good thing they don't get their period every month. Or ever. Like a freaking horror show. Some times I am not sure if I want to kill him or fuck him. Speed makes me crazy. I start hearing things and seeing things. I need to get this leg drained now.

My legs are so tiny he can fit his hand under my knee and grab both sides. I was always so chubby. Now here I am so skinny, he can almost fit my leg in his hands. I have on a wife beater with no bra because why bother. I haven't seen my breast since six months after the last time I got out of jail. I am supposed to be on probation. The last time I saw my probation officer, I kept it together long enough to make it through the visit then I puked all over the side of the steps of jail house at 850 Bryant. In fact, I puked half way down the block to Mc Donald's. I always seemed to enjoy shooting up in public places and puking where ever I needed to without concern for other people because- heroin. Or booze and heroin. Or booze, pills, heroin, crack, more pills, more booze, and a little debbie's snack cake which is truly the junkie dietary staple.

He can barely keep his eyes open until the puss and blood hits him on the chin.
"FUCCCCCCCKKKKKK" he screams.
yessssssssss, I think. Popping a decent sized abscess is like having an orgasm, if i can even remember what that feels like at the moment. This gem of an infection has yellow, green, and some blood. I get lucky and can immediately squeeze out the core. I hand him a few napkins to wipe his face.

I lean over to kiss the peach fuzz on his chin. Suddenly, I get a feeling I have not had for while. What is that feeling- yes. I remember now. I think I *might* be horny. I grab for him.

"Tracey what the fuck." he has no idea what the hell is going on. I am trying to seduce my boyfriend of four months on the floor of a dirty hotel room with puss draining out of my leg. That is some romance right here. I realize I am in too much god damned pain to fuck. Damn it. That feeling is gone. Not that he could do it anyway, but still, it was a nice fantasy.

As I sit there and clean myself up while he nods back out, I wish this was all a fucking dream. This hotel, my leg that is about to fall off, the speed coursing through my Veins. It is time to do my landing gear and get some much needed rest and pretend this is not my life.

5 comments:

  1. yourlonelyjunkieJuly 21, 2014 at 8:44 PM

    I am afraid of getting an abcess so much. This just worsened my fear. The sad part that I'm sure you're familiar with is that even that intense fear won't stop me from doing my shot tomorrow. With an old dull rig.

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  2. Replies
    1. yes that is the only way I know how to be

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  3. You and Frank Sinatra, Tracey. Frank was raw as fuck.

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