Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Just friends

"I thought we were friends " I said slapping myself in the forehead.
Fuck how could I be so stupid.

"I don't have a fucking friends" he told me. "Just acquaintances"

This is what my life has come to- this place. Being fucking burned by someone I trusted. How could I be so fucking stupid, I mumbled to myself.

At first, I was experimenting. I was partying. I had a few friends. We pooled our money. We looked out for each other. We had this THING. There was this THING that we did together. And this THING was good. It was very very fucking good. There was nothing better than having a cold glass of water I could barely sip, sitting next to a friend on the couch. The only burns I had to worry about involved my shoulder and a wayward cigarette. And that was okay.

Then I started to shoot up more. Lines are crossed. Hey, I thought we were doing this THING together. What do you mean you are going to quit? What do you mean you are ready to stop? What do you mean you don't what to do this thing to get that THING. What the fuck. I thought we were friends.

Then, I am doing this fucking THING. I am doing it. I am all alone and I am fucking doing it. I am doing shit for money. You pass me by. You nod your head and pass on by. You wish you could be as free as me. I know you wish you could do this thing I do.

And then he burned me. And I knew. I knew this time. I knew what he said was true. I don't have any fucking friends, just acquaintances.



4 comments:

  1. Im glad to see youre still writing...you helped me a lot this padt summer but i had some more using to do . I have 79 days clean today. Becca

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  2. Thank you so much. This gets better day by day..Becca

    ReplyDelete