Tuesday, March 25, 2014

The Metamorphosis

I sat on the edge of the bed eating my little Debbie's Swiss rolls completely transfixed. I nibbled on the chocolate coating with no expectations that these delicious sweet treats might perk me up for a moment. I haven't eaten in a few days. The host offered me some of her oatmeal and eggs she got from the food pantry but those both require heating or cooking on a hot plate. I am tweaking too hard and my hand would be too unsteady. 

My host begins the process in her elaborate satin robe. Though we are in a dingy little piss in the sink hotel, she has decorated this place to the point I feel I have been transported to another place where beauty still exists. She has wall hangings of orchids and curtains covering the one window with lacy accents. Her sink is surrounded by Japanese dividers and the closet has a forest green futon on the floor so friends can crash there. The bed has a comforter, duvet, shams, and a beauty jar where men can leave tips. 

I would not be rude enough as to presume to watch her tuck. That part did not exist to me. I saw nothing masculine about her. I was embarrassed for her that the tricks insisted on the presence of her former self. They humiliated her by fumbling for it under her gowns. She was fabulous to me. After the waxing, plucking, and tucking there would be some fucking for money. These things I understood because I did them myself. She was Vikki with two k s. Don't get it confused. She seemed smaller than me but her personality was much bigger. She wanted me to sit with her for two hours while she got outdoor ready. 

I never minded walking with her. I wondered how she felt about me. I was always tweaking or nodding. I could not have been good company. She was not much of a drug addict either. She came here to be herself and had lost everything  in the process as so many people do. 

"I need to go back to my room Vikki" I said as l headed for the door. 

She went in her make up bag and handed me a clean rig. 

"Just come right back " she said gingerly as she smiled at me. She liked me, my company and I loved her. 

She knew I was getting sick. I couldn't take much more. She kept rigs, condoms, pipes, and other party favors for the dates. Sometimes I had to come down and help hit them. She always tipped me $5. She knew how to keep everyone happy except for herself. 

The only time I hear Ms. Vikki curse was the night she had a dead trick in her room. I awoke to a pounding on the door. 

Bang, Bang, Bang! 

"Get up! Bitch get up!"

I had passed out slummed over on top of some magazines, Cheetos, and a cooker. I had cheese dust all over my face. I was brushing it off. It was dark. I had no curtain so the streetlight filled my room

BANG BANG BANG. Ok seriously who is this. The police aren't this insistent. Fuck. 

I look out the peep hole. Ms Vikki is there with her black bettie page wig leaning to the slightly to the side. I was shocked to sea her undone 

I slide off the three deadbolts. I put extra on so I wouldn't get raped in this shit hole. She grabs my arm and starts dragging me down the hall. 

As she fumbles for her key she tells me in a loud whisper "Bitch I messed  up this time."

I thought she was talking to me but she really was talking to herself which is fine because everyone at the New Pacific Hotel was crazy from something. And there! Ah ha! He was laid out at the end of the bed. I tried not to notice the panties he had on and his hairy body. He still had on his work shirt and necktie. The sleeve was rolled up and the blood was still drying from the needle stick. 

I grab his neck and ask "what did you give him?!" 

She pushes me all the way in and shuts the door as she tells me " I didn't give that man anything. He brought his own stuff. " she is pissed that I assumed she had drugs. I know, the nerve of me when there is a dead trick on the floor. 

I start to slap the shit out of him then I notice he isn't all the way dead. He is slightly ashy but the color is in the beds of his finger nails. I push his body over to the ground. Breathe, chest compressions, AWAKE! I get the gold fucking star. 

She leans down fixes her wig and craddles his face "baby" she tells him "you came back to me!" 

Suddenly I feel myself getting pushed out the door. She is strong, Ms Vikki. The pushed me out the door damnit. I didn't even get to get some of what he had! 

As I walk down the hallway, I realize I did not even lock or shut my door. Some fucking crack cock roach is peeking in there. 

"Fuck off Jimmy" I push him out of the doorway. " I don't have any matches" 
I had been busy saving the day. I felt good for a few minutes and I know Ms Vikki will tip me later. Saving a trick is money in the bank. 

This is a true story only Ms Vikki had another name and she was freaking fabulous 


  1. me and my husband smoke dope we have made the promise to ourselves and each other never to use needles. We are open to other peoples choices and provide our room for our friends that do blast off well as of last night that will no longer be allowed in our room. last night my friend was doing her thing like always and when she was done she slummped over like usual than her dog started crying which was really strange dosent really do that usulally so i looked at my friend and she wasnt saying anything about the dog so i tried waking her up shook her a little bit and no response dead weight my hubby jumped to my side and helped me pull her back to see her face and her lips were blue aahhhnooo sinking feeling in my gut i stayed calm and went to my housemate to ask him for the norcane (?) shot that took a minute to gather and get in motion so my quick thinking went to the kitchen and i grabbed a pot of water went to my room and she still was not responding so i poured the water over her face and a few seconds later she started to respond oh thank god i saw my glass of ice water and hit her with that again and shes back!!! so glad i used to not let people blast off in my presence for that very reason , i dont want that drama in my life but over time i got more relaxed with it figured everyone knew what they were doing and nothing bad would happen but i am over that thinking now no one is allowed to do that in my space not only does it suck if one of my friends dies on my watch but if i allow people to do that in my room and something wrong does happen my husband and i will be evicted for bringing H. into our household. so no more needles allowed in our space. If you are still down to send the norcane / naloxone shot i wouldnt mind having some on hand cuz i can make the rule no shooting but im sure where theres a will theres a way and it would be nice to have some around in case there is another accident . thankyou for providing this space to come together and sharing your experiences to inspire hope! thankyou

  2. Tracey, I love how real you are! Thank you for being here for us.

  3. in regards to yr blog and yr present work: "our dark past can b out GREATEST ASSET..."