traceyh415

I took my last hit(s) over twenty years ago. It is strange typing this out because there are times when it seems like yesterday. There should be no question in your mind- I was 100% dedicated to getting high until I wasn't. From 1998-1990, I started my career as a blackout drunk. I spent from 1990-1998 deep in the grips of addiction. After a failed relationship, my self esteem and prospects in life were so low, I gave in to the spiral. I wanted to feel different. I wanted to be someone that wasn't me. Using in the 1990s was risky. Needle exchanges were rare. HIV/AIDS was killing off IV drug users. We knew nothing about prevention of overdose. Hep C was known as non A, non B. We were giving each other shitty kitchen tattoos and sharing needles because we had no access to new ones. Heroin was expensive and not very potent. The cost of living was fairly cheap. Drug users built little communities. We had "shooting galleries" and dope houses were usually a room you paid ...

As a junkie in active addiction, I was told more than once that the world would be better off if I died. I see these hurtful comments at the bottom of articles about naloxone but this was stated directly to my face. As a person who was under the grips of a full blown heroin addiction, I have to admit a part of me agreed with the statement. I was tired of living the life of an active user- wake up sick, look for a vein for an hour, hustle all day for a few bags- the cycle of life. There was no "bottom" for me- I could have easily leaned deeper into the spiral. How much lower could I go? Isolated from my family, having engaged in sex work, willing to absolutely beg for drugs, allowing my limbs to rot from unsafe injection technique. They call that suicide on the installment plan. I called that another day at the office. If I would have died, there would not be three beautiful children in the world. There would not be the 300+ people saved through the little program I run. Som...

I am making an East Coast Trip next month to Washington DC and to Boston. I plan on meeting with policy makers and a judge. If there are any points you feel need to be covered, let me know here or via email. I started a go fund me to cover the costs of my harm reduction and the travel expenses here . It costs anywhere from $3.50-$10 per care packages. I am putting money aside for the future. Love Tracey

"I could lie my way out of anything..." I sat on the steps in front of the coffee shop, eating half of a cheese sandwich. I washed it down with a chocolate beverage. It's lunch time. The business men and women stream by me. They are in search of instant gratification in the form of a quick bite. As the sun reaches the highest point in the sky, I adjust my fishnets so no passerby get a free look up my skirt. I haven't shaved my legs since winter time, if you can call what we have here winter. I see a man with a blanket running, breaking the glass from the drink he stole. Maybe he was thirsty. My life has been one lie after the other. There are the lies I tell myself. These are desires enveloped in fiction. There are the lies I tell you. These are facts that simply aren't true. Then, there are the lies in live in. The lies that exist in daily living. The lies of comparison. I don't want to live in a space where everyone is superior to me. More money, thinner...

Last Monday was a self care day. On a recommendation of a friend, I decided to go a reasonably priced Spa. I should probably have done more investigation but I did not. It was a last minute decision to take some time to myself with no animals needing me to pick up their poo, no kids fighting on the couch, and no staff people asking my opinion on one issue or another. When I arrived at the Spa, severely over caffeinated at that, the bells went off. AH- this is a nude Spa. The kind where the genders are divided. I was handed a robe and a towel that would barely cover one of my thighs. As I entered the locker room, I quickly saw what I have rarely seen- naked bodies. Not in a lecherous way or a scientific way. I was seeing naked bodies in their natural habitat. Women of all ages were inside the place. I was very nervous at first. I was raised in an almost puritanical setting. My parents NEVER discussed sex with me. In fact, I rarely saw my parents kiss. If it wasn’t for the fact ...

Question of the Moment: How do I deal with the mood swings that come when you stop opioids. Answer: I wish I knew. Opioids act as a mild anti-depressant from most of us. I would also argue that a good chunk of us had mental health issues to start with: depression, anxiety, PTSD, and the like. Op ioids feel fucking good. Why else would we take them, right? Well, I think the answer is more nuanced. Opioids have diminishing returns. At a certain point, the don't feel THAT good. Continuing to take them is more of a stop gap measure to avoid the mental (and physical) hell that comes from getting off of them. The higher the dosage ie the more you are taking, the less you are generally getting out of them. I strongly recommend any of my active user friends out there try remedies to reduce tolerance. It is a few days of bullshit but it will mentally benefit and financially benefit you. Baby rhino tolerance = baby rhino spending and the potentially criminal bullshit that comes with k...

In January 2000, I attended a conference focused on heroin in Seattle, Washington.  Here's a description: Heroin overdoses and overdose fatalities are steadily increasing in North Am erica and around the world. Many overdoses are preventable, often with simple and inexpensive interventions based upon scientific research, epidemiological and ethnographic insights, and common sense. More then 400 participants attended the two day conference, which featured presentations by leading experts from around the world -- scholars, service providers, outreach workers and others who deal with and are affected by heroin overdoses, to discuss: Risk factors and epidemiology of heroin overdose Treatment modalities Outreach and education Naloxone distribution The roles of researchers, emergency medical services, law enforcement, and families and friends of overdose victims You read that correctly. This is what we were talking about in January of 2000.  It is now 18 years l...