Tuesday, September 11, 2018

"The Normal"

When I was strung out like a lab monkey, I would pull up a piece of concrete and watch the "normies" go by. I was always horrified by myself when I would imagine how I must appear to the mother holding her toddler's hand as the scoot of to daycare. I was in a world of my own to a certain extent. My world consisted of getting money, getting drugs, using drugs, maybe hanging with people, eating once a day, finding more money. If I was lucky, I could cop a nod in between point A and point B. Those occasions became fewer and farther between though.

In 2018, I'm a married mother of three kids. I have a career. I have pets. I have responsibilities. It isn't that I never think of shooting dope, smoking crack, taking klonopins, or tweaking balls like I used to for many years. I just have collected a bunch of things I like to do more. Drugs played a role in my life, a pretty sizable one. It just wasn't sustainable. During the last month of my drug use, I used to mix speed, heroin, and powder cocaine in the same shot. I used to call it "the normal". I would inject it then for a few minutes I would feel similar to how I feel now. Then, the chemicals would spin me off in different directions until the next time.

I don't know what normal is but this is the best I have ever felt. I hope what ever you have going on, you are safe and healthy.

3 comments:

  1. I love reading your posts! You are an inspiration! Keep up the fantastic work! And what the fuck is normal?!

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  2. Back in the 70's i was wacked out o amyl nitrate

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