Monday, October 3, 2016

Let me live

This is dedicated to all the fools who says that we should just "let them die". 

I loved shooting drugs.
I loved shooting drugs in public places. 
I didn't not give two fucks if I shot up in front of your kids. 
I would lick the blood to taste the last bit of dope. 
I would carry rigs in my pocket like my life depended on it. 
I've shot up with water from a puddle. 
I've walked all over the city with no shoes high on meth. 
I've turned a trick on soiled newspaper in the rain. 
I've cried over spilled dope. Never over my choices. 
Until I did. 
One day, I imagined something different for myself. 
People change.
I changed. 

Never, ever tell me there is no hope. 
I am living proof. 
I am a mother, an employee, and activist, a wife. 
People love me. 
I rescue cats.
I help others. 
Fuck your judgment. 
Let me live.  


  1. You said it PERFECTLY! I do my best to live a life of service. I have 5 beautiful intelligent children and soon 3 grandbabies! I rescue animals, help the homeless, work to rescue abused women and children and volunteer for HARM REDUCTION so don't EVER tell me I'm worthless!

  2. everyone is someones son/daughter... i wonder if they found out one of their loved ones was an addict, would they still feel the same?

  3. So true East

    Addicts are human beings, like the rest of us. They have a terrible addiction, and to those who turn their backs on them, ought to be ashamed of themselves.

    Finally got around to ordering your book Tracy. After I have read it, and kept it around for awhile, I'm going to donate it to the library, where maybe it will help someone. I have somehow avoided getting addicted to any hard drugs. My addictions are "just" cannabis and beer. Although, alcohol is one of the worse drugs going. Fortunately, I don't like liquor, which is arguably one of The Worse drugs.

  4. I have lived to be high
    Wanted to be high
    Desperate to be high
    And I have done awful things
    To be high

    I have bled on sidewalks
    Driveways, streets, floors
    Apartments, hotel rooms, jail cells
    Because I could be high
    Because I wanted to be high

    I have stolen
    I have taken
    I have lied
    and Stealed

    When I'm high I'm beautiful
    But I'm also ugly
    I'm beautiful because of the high
    But I'm ugly because I always want more
    And more and more and more and more

    Eventually, I realized
    The high is not worth the low
    The self-hatred
    The puking
    The crippling sickness
    The hallucinations
    The tremors
    The spasms

    I am not well
    I am not not wanting
    I am doing my best
    To survive

    Because that's what I do
    I survive

    I'm happy to see
    That you're surviving too

    Beautiful is a state of mind
    And I wish for that
    Even though I don't think
    I deserve it
    I will still strive
    Despite the chemicals

    I am beautiful

    Thank you, Tracy. Your posts are giving me hope.

    1. Thank you. And thank you for your stories and your posts.