Monday, October 3, 2016

Let me live

This is dedicated to all the fools who says that we should just "let them die". 

I loved shooting drugs.
I loved shooting drugs in public places. 
I didn't not give two fucks if I shot up in front of your kids. 
I would lick the blood to taste the last bit of dope. 
I would carry rigs in my pocket like my life depended on it. 
I've shot up with water from a puddle. 
I've walked all over the city with no shoes high on meth. 
I've turned a trick on soiled newspaper in the rain. 
I've cried over spilled dope. Never over my choices. 
Until I did. 
One day, I imagined something different for myself. 
People change.
I changed. 

Never, ever tell me there is no hope. 
I am living proof. 
I am a mother, an employee, and activist, a wife. 
People love me. 
I rescue cats.
I help others. 
Fuck your judgment. 
Let me live.  

6 comments:

  1. You said it PERFECTLY! I do my best to live a life of service. I have 5 beautiful intelligent children and soon 3 grandbabies! I rescue animals, help the homeless, work to rescue abused women and children and volunteer for HARM REDUCTION so don't EVER tell me I'm worthless!

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  2. everyone is someones son/daughter... i wonder if they found out one of their loved ones was an addict, would they still feel the same?

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  3. So true East

    Addicts are human beings, like the rest of us. They have a terrible addiction, and to those who turn their backs on them, ought to be ashamed of themselves.

    Finally got around to ordering your book Tracy. After I have read it, and kept it around for awhile, I'm going to donate it to the library, where maybe it will help someone. I have somehow avoided getting addicted to any hard drugs. My addictions are "just" cannabis and beer. Although, alcohol is one of the worse drugs going. Fortunately, I don't like liquor, which is arguably one of The Worse drugs.

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  4. I have lived to be high
    Wanted to be high
    Desperate to be high
    And I have done awful things
    To be high

    I have bled on sidewalks
    Driveways, streets, floors
    Apartments, hotel rooms, jail cells
    Because I could be high
    Because I wanted to be high

    I have stolen
    I have taken
    I have lied
    Cheated
    and Stealed

    When I'm high I'm beautiful
    But I'm also ugly
    I'm beautiful because of the high
    But I'm ugly because I always want more
    And more and more and more and more

    Eventually, I realized
    The high is not worth the low
    The self-hatred
    The puking
    The crippling sickness
    The hallucinations
    The tremors
    The spasms
    The
    Always
    Wanting
    To
    Die
    And
    Always
    Wanting
    More

    I am not well
    I am not not wanting
    I am doing my best
    To survive

    Because that's what I do
    I survive

    I'm happy to see
    That you're surviving too

    Beautiful is a state of mind
    And I wish for that
    Even though I don't think
    I deserve it
    I will still strive
    Despite the chemicals

    I am beautiful


    Thank you, Tracy. Your posts are giving me hope.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. And thank you for your stories and your posts.

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