I feel this relationship crushing me like a wine glass underneath his boot. Can I salvage what little life I have left? The bruises are unmistakable. I was "lucky' that he didn't "kill me this time". I look at my face in the mirror, my pupils beam like eight balls in my eyes. It is time, I tell myself. Time to leave? Oh no, I don't have the self esteem to do that. Time to blast off again into the world of fuck it.
I sit back down on the toilet seat searching for the perfect spot. The breeze is blowing through the bars of the bathroom window, sending a chill up my exposed spine. It won't be long my heart will be pounding like the sound of someone slamming on this door to come in. Fear rings in my ears. The fear of getting caught in here, dirty rig in hand. The game now is to get these drugs into me faster than he can kick in the door.
"I KNOW YOU ARE IN THERE" he screams. He sounds like the police. "If you don't come out," he projects his voice through the lock of the door "I WILL kick this mother fucker in."
The blood is rushing through my body at the speed of sound. A few minutes ago, I had to use my shirt to stop my nose from bleeding. it was almost as if YOUFUCKINGBITCH was my name. The girls in jail tried to tell me, it wasn't what I am called, it was what I answered to...yeah. I know all that. Except this man has stalked me from one end of the block to the other. You cannot stay here, the hotel managers would tell me, too many problems was my name and my life. As I feel the heroin start to slowly creep up from ankle, I push my foot against the door to keep him out just a few minutes more. I flush my rig down the toilet. Sorry fish.
"Open this fucking door," I hear him pounding again, like the pounding in my ears. My eye is swelling now. I can feel the tightness as the pain slowly dissipates. "I'm taking a shit" I tell him. He knows better. When was the last time I ate anything.
I search for a shirt in my back pack. He ripped this one off of me, ripped it as I tried to get away. I pull the other one over me. There is no escaping my fate. I saw myself in the mirror in the bathroom, I was a shadow of my former self. I slip on my sunglasses, turning the lock with a sigh I let out into the universe. I heard it said that love kills. This one just beats me.