Saturday, September 19, 2015

A Dope Fiend Prayer.

Work. Dope. Sleep.
Work. Dope. Sleep.
Work. Dope. Sleep. Broke. Cry. Twitch. Whine. Ahhhhh. Nod.

School. Dope. Sleep.
School. Dope. Sleep.
School. Dope. Sleep. Beg. Borrow. Cry. Twitch. Shit. Ahhh. Nod.

Scam. Hustle. Scam. Hustle.
Tick Tick Tick.
Call. Wait. Call. Wait.
Sick. Sick. SICK!

No, I didn't lie to you.
Well, maybe, just a little.
Yes, I promise I will get clean.
Middle. Skim. Middle.

Another Day, another felony.
Some cheese, some tar, some scramble.
My life inside a plastic bag.
Valium. Vodka. Ramble.

My self esteem? I misplaced it.
My faith in God? I erased it.
I held my future in my hand.
I traded it to my man.

If I die in my sleep,
Promise you won't wake me.
If I have to live this way,
I pray the drugs will take me.

Tell my family that I loved them.
Tell my girl she will love again.
Tell my boyfriend that I am sorry.
As I fade into oblivion.


10 comments:

  1. I fucking love this. I think it's my favorite thing you've ever written. Thanks for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Tracey, i posted a weebor so ago , im currently still detoxing from methadone maintenance . I wanted to say thanks again for your continued posts . I check frequently for new ones and often reread your older ones.
    Idk why they help pass the time but i suppose theres not just one reason. Id love to hear more about your experiences after you stopped using and how ou dealt with PAWS.
    as that is what im currently battling.
    The depression and anxiety have not lifted at all, although many physical side affects have such as leg aches , insomnia ect.
    Many days I question if the PAWS is worth going thru to be clean bc I feel so horrible mentally.
    Ive tried several diff prescribed antidepressants but as of yet feel no relief .
    Would love to hear any helpful or even just your experience with this part of recovery as it may give me hope. Its going on the 5 month mark of being completely free of methadone and any benzos.
    Thank you again for sharing !
    Christian

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You have to jump start your own body to start producing happy chemicals again. Exercise, masterbation, massage, accupuncture, funny movies, cuddling. It will come it just takes a while

      Delete
  3. Thks Tracey ,
    Appreciate your reply!
    Christian

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you for sharing your story. Its had a major impact. I wrote you a few weeks back. I am now 23 days off heroin an i plan on being one of the 4 percent that beats this evil drug. Thank you for your inspiring blog.

    ReplyDelete