Every day when I wake up and open my eyes, I get the same feeling and questions:
"Heroin, do i love it or hate it ? I need it or want it !?"
Every night I feel sad and angry of myself because of how I became. I manipulate people for my sake, Hurt them so deep and leave horrible wounds in their hearts. These souls are not forgiving, like before.
Turned from funny, lovely and nice guy who support and forgive everyone even who hurts me, to an devil. With another question "do i enjoy this or i have to be like this !?"
I was like two different characters. They have been fighting each other for around 3 years.
The insanity of Traveling every week to the desert to buy a large quantity directly from Bedouins. I act like an dealer to make sure I get good dope and save money. With more, I was facing real danger. Saw the death so many times in middle of gun battles between Bedouins and Cops. I was close to be arrested by cops. For heroin in Egypt, I would spend 7 to 25 years of my life in jail.
Its the "Magic and Beauty" the most dangerous heroin spot all over Egypt for more than 15 years or more of selling "brown heroin - base", kidnaps and killing. your life is so cheap there - barely equals one bullet. One wrong move or word to visit the hell and be turned to National ID in his full pocket of IDs. Always watching my back and worried of ambush of other addicts to win the large prize I am carrying while I travel home on desert and highways.
Its more important and precious to me than my life ? I was worrying about overdosing or my future. To be junkie not only you who be shamed, All your family will be in shame here in Egypt.
I was fighting myself for 8 months trying to kick it, trying to get my freedom back.
How did I get here? I am from a middle-class family, beautiful parents and awesome brothers. We love and support each other. I know If something bad happens to me one of my parents will end up dead. Why is it I don't care about myself? I should be taking care of them and not be so selfish.
I need their help right now. I told themI'm addict looking for help. They gave me it to me with love. I knew it that it would hurt them deep but will save us all.
Now I have got my freedom, my feelings, my confidence, my work, my family's love. The most important thing I can open my eyes every day with hope and close it every night with inner peace.
no im home i only got the medicine
and they follow me with phone calls
nurse come home to change that white bottle hanging in my hand "IV"
and take a syringe every 3 days + few pills daily .. at the morning and the night
i feel no pain at the morning and sleep when i get this IV thing
i feel the real pain at night