Thursday, April 30, 2015

A Voice That Only I Hear

This morning, I was riding the train. Normally, when I ride the train I am completely immersed in scrolling the internet. I am looking for the the next wave of drama in the world to distract me from my emotions. As long as I tune out the rest of humanity, I don't have to feel anything. As I was zoning out, my zombie status was interrupted by a voice. I didn't just hear a voice. I felt this voice. I felt a deep, male voice. It was like it was reverberating through my mind. I looked around the train. I thought I was losing my fucking mind. I have heard voices before fro all my meth use. For a moment, I was convinced it was a flashback for a few seconds.

Finally, I looked in front of me. There was a young man standing directly in front of me but I would have completely overlooked him. He had a backpack on. He was tall, with clean clothes, and a scruffy beard. At first, I thought he was signing along to music. When I looked with desperate intent, I saw he was singing with no music. He had this beautiful voice inside of him. He was singing in this deep bass voice on the train that cut into my morning. I felt this voice. I heard him.

He got off the train when I noticed no one around him had heard him. I felt sad for them. They really missed out on something special.

People ask me why I work with "junkies". My response is that there is so much beauty inside everyone. The drugs may or may not mask that. Having a person who connects with you is so important. Harm reduction is about having someone see the humanity within you. We care about someone in a time when they may not have the ability to care about themselves.

I assume that because I used to be a heavy user, there are times when there is a voice inside someone that only I hear. It may be a voice that someone else has forgotten. It might be that the person has lost their ability to speak for themselves. I am not sure why I am so drawn to people living in hiding. We need to live our life outside of the shadows. We need to be okay with who we are.

No matter what choices you make in life, find the beauty in the world around you. take time to listen to another person. That connection, that spark of life, it is what drives our humanity.

Remember that someone out there wants to hear your voice. 

Love Tracey. 


  1. "there is so much beauty inside everyone." so true but not all people think that way. if we all think like that we would live in a world full of love and mercy.

    1. Exactly. Love and mercy has to start with us

  2. so beautiful, Tracey. reading this post is an inspiring way to start out my Monday morning. I appreciate so much that you remind us to be aware, and to be grateful.
    also, seeing little Snowball in his box in this photo is so very symbolic. you saved him because you saw him, whereas many people could walk on by. big love, and I look forward to feeding the little guy in a few hours. :)

  3. This is beautiful, I am so inspired by you. I watched The Dark End of the Street a few years ago and you were always my favorite person from the documentary, and I always felt like I could relate to you. I'm so glad you're doing well. I love hearing recovery stories like yours. You are wonderful.

    1. Thank you for reading. I really like this entry for some reason. I like to think recovery is about the small moments that I can enjoy because I quit drugs