Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Clean Sheets

I woke up inside clean sheets this morning. In fact, I changed the sheets last night. I slept between red flannel comfort on a warm evening. I slept on top of a queen sized bed. The box spring broke after thirteen years so I replaced it about six months ago. The wheel broke on the frame so I replaced it with some books I had laying around. 
I was restless last night. I was tossing and turning because of the heat. It was if the spirits of those that have passed before me wanted me to remember another time. A time when sweat made me stick to the dirty blankets. I would wake up writhing in agony from stomach cramps on the soiled comforter. The burn holes made the polyester comforter scratchy. My hair was stuck to the dirty pillow that a hundred residents of this cheap hotel had used before me. Some of their hairs remained in the fibers. A crime scene investigator would get confused by ten kinds of blood on the wall from junkies and violence and self harm. My life was truly a horror show. 

As raise my back against the dirty wall, my first thought upon waking is "fuck my life". The pain does not end there. This is just the realization of my situation, not the beginning of any solution. I feel the throbbing now. I had stuck my legs with dull needles and missed a shot in my thigh. The red, swollen mass is screaming "take me to the doctor" but I resist. There is money to be made. And I am running out of time. The dry heaves will be upon me soon. No rest for the wicked. 

13 comments:

  1. Powerful as always, as is that photo :(

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  2. i remember those days tracey. thanks for reminding me. i don't want to dwell on it, but i must never forget that if i refund my sobriety that's what i get, dirty sheets just the beginning of the dirty life...thanks girl. keep writing, if yr helping me u r most likely helping untold numbers of others as well. b well and live the dream, j

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    1. If i can help one person, it is worth it

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  3. I remember seeing you in the documentary you were featured in many years ago. Was surprised to see you on reddit. Hope you are doing well. Keep up the fight!

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    1. I've been clean for 16 years- doing well

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  4. That's awesome! No many people are as strong as you.

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  5. you are such a good writer, you are very good at describing things so that they seem real to the reader, dont ever stop !

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  6. I devour all your writing. It does help me. I don't want you to stop writing. I could read a whole book of it. X

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  7. Have you written a book?
    What is it called?

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    1. Its a e-book. i sell them to raise $ for harm reduction

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