Sunday, February 18, 2018

When People Said I Should Have Died

As a junkie in active addiction, I was told more than once that the world would be better off if I died. I see these hurtful comments at the bottom of articles about naloxone but this was stated directly to my face. As a person who was under the grips of a full blown heroin addiction, I have to admit a part of me agreed with the statement. I was tired of living the life of an active user- wake up sick, look for a vein for an hour, hustle all day for a few bags- the cycle of life. There was no "bottom" for me- I could have easily leaned deeper into the spiral. How much lower could I go? Isolated from my family, having engaged in sex work, willing to absolutely beg for drugs, allowing my limbs to rot from unsafe injection technique. They call that suicide on the installment plan. I called that another day at the office.

If I would have died, there would not be three beautiful children in the world. There would not be the 300+ people saved through the little program I run. Some folks would surely have Hep C. There would be a voice missing for drug users. Most of all, I think I am a pretty rad person. I am relatively entertaining. I am a loyal friend. I am a decent cook. I also enjoy memes. This is starting to sound like a Tinder profile.

I don't want you to die. Don't give in to the stigma. I want you to be safe. There are so many things you have left to do! There are so many people that love you. Please take care of yourself. The world needs you.

4 comments:

  1. Wow, Thank you for this. Keep doing what you're doing, you definitely make a difference.

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  2. Darn right...you are Rad Tracey. Keep your chin up...steady as she goes :)

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