Saturday, October 14, 2017


I have been traveling a lot, trying to use my personal story to help others. I'm typing this on my phone so forgive me in advance . 

It's fall now. My kids need me to be home. I need to catch up on carepackages, apply for funding, and just focus on keeping my mind right. I'm not going to lie to kick it, for whatever reason, the winter months give me a wave of depression. My mother really loved the holidays. She would do the whole house with decorations. She had decorative sweaters, decorative jewelry and pins. I have never embraced anything as much as she embraced the holiday season.  

Winter as a homeless junkie sucked beyond measure. The SF Bay Area in my specific corridor doesn't really get "seasons" per se. It's more 10 days of heat, dry, cold/foggy, and rain. The rain when you live outside is inescapable. There are only so many sheltered spots in my general area. Those are highly coveted and physically defended. The average person might stay awake on rocks or tweak to avoid laying in a puddle at night. Remember- it isn't JUST a puddle. It's a combo of the oil and piss runoff that has accumulated in the dry season. The shelters were whack- curfew by sevenish only to be kicked out in the early early morning. That's if they aren't full. 

I'm old now. I'm an old retired junkie. But I can clearly remember shivering in the cold rain, unable to accumulate enough money for a fix. No place to sit, no place to stay, no prospects. Those memories keep me sober but they also make me insane. I left that life and three people took my place. The water wheel of addiction flows like the dope on the streets. 

You are probably alone reading this. I'm alone too. Alone in my hotel at a conference. I'm trying to learn about new ways to help people that use drugs, people like us. We deserve help. We deserve to be safe. We deserve love. 

Be safe my friends. I'll get a story to you when I return. 


  1. Thank you for sharing. Have a safe trip home.

  2. you are inspiring, if I'm able to help a fraction of the people you have... I'd be happy

  3. What advice would you give to me an addict totally lost and alone
    I’m a mother of three and nobody knows about my addiction
    Do I give up my kids in order to let people know my problem so I can get better but then I will have lost my kids and I’ll be miserable beyond measure and what to use more
    Or try to get better without telling anyone and keep my kids

    1. That's a really tough question. I'd start by looking into your range of options. Most forms of drug dependence can be treated on an outpatient basis meaning at home. I would look at what the potential options are in your area.

  4. Completely unrelated to this post, but I've been having a discussion with a friend, regarding medicinal marijuana, and it's place in treating opioid addiction. I do NOT dispell marijuana as a viable treatment for MANY chronic pain conditions and illnesses. Completely on the fence, for it as a sober living plan, for opioid addiction vs methadone, suboxone, etc. I feel like I've read enough anecdotal stories of those deep in the throws of addiction, that pot just wasn't strong enough to stave off withdrawal symptoms. Also, pot is significantly cheaper than heroin. If it was as easy as switching, addicts would just do it on their own. I'm hoping you can shed some light on this for me. Is pot legitimately not strong enough, to get an addict through the withdrawal while kicking, or is it more it just wasn't a strong enough high, to drown out the inner noise.

    Thank you for sharing your voice with the world. I think you do make a difference. Safe travels!