Saturday, July 2, 2016

Open letter to my readers.

Today's entry is directed at you. You as in the collective "you" that take the time out to read my blog stories. First of all, thank you. I started this blog a few years ago as an outlet for the memories that have haunted me over the years. The memory of the hooker with the colostomy bag, the 13 year old boy who used to turn tricks then cry as he begged people to inject him with the money he extracted from the pedophiles that picked him up. There was the opportunity to explain that Jake was a fully realized human being that I called my friend. There was the legacy of the lovers that passed through my life only to end up dead as a result of their drug use. Finally, I got a place to process all the traumas that occurred in those years while I lay slowly dying. The rape, the violence, and sense of despair that hung over my daily existence.

Over the course of publishing this blog, I ended up becoming friends with many of you, mostly young folk. I use the term "friends" to describe a loose relationship based on mutual affection. I have met a few of you in real life. Most of you remain anonymous through reddit or some other form of social media. The blog turned into a naloxone program, a book, and many long days of texting you while you struggled to understand how to get out of the grip heroin had on you. Many of you died. Many of you have gotten clean. Some of you linger in that place of general dissatisfaction. I respect that.

I wanted to make this post to tell you that I love you. I wanted to make this post to tell me that it is possible you are going to die soon if nothing changes. I wanted to make this post to tell you that in six months or six years you will wonder how you could have spent so much time chasing dope. The only thing constant in life is change. You can change for the better or this can get worse. Only you can decide that. But really, truthfully- it is up to YOU. Take some ownership of your destiny. In the years that I have been writing this blog, I've met a 19 year old that died from sepsis from unclean injection procedures. I met a veteran that survived the war then died in a train station. I met mothers and fathers who have lost their children because of drugs. I have seen car crashes, death, despair, and even HOPE. I get letters and messages daily "hey do you remember me?" Yes. I do. I remember you all. And I am richer for knowing you.

19 comments:

  1. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for all that you do.

    You truly are a life saver. You save lives and that's the most honorable thing a person can do in their life. And you've saved many..

    Again, thank you so very very much.
    <3

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  2. You are my hero, I am humbled by each and one of you posts and I hope one day to be half of the beast you are. Mucho love love - C

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  3. Tracey, I love how you use your life experiences to help others. The world needs more people like you. Thank you for everything you do and for sharing your,experiences on this blog :)

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  4. We all love and respect you too Tracey and this is on behalf of me and all those who do not have online access just now but would sincerely want to respond in the same way. All my Love & Thoughts, Shane & Co. X

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    1. all my love to you. I am always waiting for the next story

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    2. Shane, ive also read your works and have enjoyed your stories...i wish you nothing but the best on the other side of the pond..thank you for sharing

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  5. Im thankful to have met you and consider you a true friend..thabk you for never sugar coating the reality of addiction and sharing your story with the world....you continue to help make a difference in the lives of many, thank you for being who you are and doing all you do...keep saving lives with narcan and knowledge....

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  6. Tracey, you are amazing. Thank you for sharing and caring. Sadly, my son relapsed today. But, he is still alive, so there is still hope.

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  7. Anonymous ~ I don't know if you remember me but I am the young girl from S.H. who showed your documentery to the women there. Then you came to speak. Later on we had lunch together. I have now successful graduated S.H. & realize I was in so much awe of you at the time a proper thanks was not given. From the film we are so alike. So thank you for opening my eyes. You are a true gift to the world & anyone who gets to meet you. I would love to do lunch again sometime.
    P.S. I was using a cane at the time. Good luck on Dr. Oz! I'll be watching.

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    1. Yes of course I remember you. Sure I would love to get lunch some time

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  8. I haven't been brave enough to share even portions of my story openly here and I know you are probably so busy privately. Someone else needs your time worse. But I want you to know, I fear nothing but God and withdrawal/the chronic pain. You are the only person that lessens those fears of withdrawal and a life of pain without much relief through your acceptance and sharing experiences. You are rare evidence of a better life. Thank you

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    1. You can email me traceyh415@gmail.com

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