Saturday, May 30, 2015

No Man is an Island- guest post from a loved one

Names have been changed 

No Man is an Island


June 24th 2009 my phone rings.   On the other end is my wife.   For five minutes all I can hear is alternating between crying and screaming.   Finally she breaths enough to tell me her son is dead -- come home.


It had happened as it often does.   He had been found in his Grandmother’s bathroom cold and blue. Benzodiazepine and heroin were the cause.   He had just gotten out of detox but was also facing time for possession.   His addiction was so strong that even after getting popped for copping he went right back to the same spot and got busted again.  He was scared of the prison time that was coming.   We will never know

if it was an accident or running away from jail.


John wasnt always like this.  Addiction was a slow and steady progression.   The drunk wrecking of his Dad’s truck didnt stop it.   The broken ribs and punctured lung didn't make him miss a beat.   The near death experience of just making it thanks to a helicopter ride to the hospital wasnt enough.  Rock bottom did not come.


What followed was my wife sinking into depression.  Suddenly my sweet wife

had “major depression disorder with suicidal ideation”.  What followed were

attempts at self-harm and psychiatric hospital stays.   After much hard work

things began to look better.   Lindsey was starting to return toward normal.

Ironically, drugs (antidepressants) allow her to function.


Meanwhile her daughter Amber is pregnant with Ruth.   Sure enough, the father gets popped with possession.   In July of 2010 Amber moves back home.   It’s a crowded home but it is our home.   Everyone has a bedroom.  It just is

unusual to have five humans in our house.


When Baby Daddy gets out of jail a year later two of the family leave our house.   Things are looking up.   We go months without seeing Amber.   When I do see her she has lost so much weight.   She is

now an active addict still nursing Ruth.


What followed is not uncommon.   We dug into our savings to pay cash for a doctor and suboxone.  Things went well for about nine months. Ruth and Amber were back in my home.   Amber was

on ORT and attending meetings. Then it happened.  Heroin returned and let her know who’s boss. Suddenly she and Ruth were gone again.


This time was different.   Off to find a lawyer who could help us fight for custody.  Suddenly Lindsey is on the stand recounting Amber’s addiction.   Testifying that your daughter is not a good. Mom is heartbroken.  Testifying that she is unable to raise her child because of addiction hurts. Lindsey wins custody of Ruth and crosses the Rubicon.  


It has been a year.

 We’ve no end in sight.

Amber refuses any help.

Perhaps we’ll save Ruth.

Perhaps it will be for naught. 

In the end, it is a crap shoot brought on by addiction.


My point seems to be ‘no man is an island’.

 If you are going to use, use as safely as possible, (see harm reduction).  

 You may not believe it but someone will be bawling if you were suddenly gone. 

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for sharing. Hope things are looking up for you and yours xo