Friday, March 20, 2015

My attempt at a happy post

A reader asked me to make a happy post. They said they needed a dose of hope now and then. 

There is life after heroin. There is life after drug addiction.

I used to wake up every morning, shoot drugs. Degrade myself. Shoot more drugs. Beg, borrow, steal, shame. Shoot more drugs. Nod. Eat sugary snacks. Degrade myself. Shoot more drugs. Drain an abscess. Pass out. FUCK YEAH heroin.

It wasn't always that way. When I first started, I was a college student. I had a decent apartment. I had friends. I had a shitty job in retail where I met my friends at the bar after work on Fridays for happy hour. I had this whole LIFE that slowly melted away. I never "regained" my old life. My old self was gone. I had changed- my experiences had changed me. I got a life that is much better.

I get up everyday next to my husband (if he hasn't gotten up first for work). I make myself cereal and soymilk. I chill on the couch while scrolling through my emails. I get the kids up around 6 during the week. I have three kids. They like to snuggle in the morning. My daughter likes to chase the old cat around. He tolerates her insolence in return for a hearty ration of wet food. My middle son frequently refuses breakfast unless it is bacon or waffles with whipped cream. My younger son is less fussy. He likes to watch ninja turtles. At the same time, he likes to share the same bowl of cereal with me. I get them dressed. I drop my youngest off last. We cuddle on the train. We get off and the lady at the train station gives him fruit snacks. On the weekends, we like to visit farms or go to the woods.

My life goals were:
Find someone that loves me- done
Make my mom proud of me- done
Finish my degree- done
Get a nice place to live- done
Have a family- done

Getting clean may not be right for you right now. I totally understand that. I truly wasn't ready until I was ready. That doesn't mean you will use forever. Don't let it get you down. Depression and self pity are horrible for the health of us junkies. We need some spark of life. Enjoy your life, no matter what it is that you are doing. Be safe. Use as safely as possible. Find your dreams again. Find things and people that you love. Believe me, someone loves you. I love you.

The world needs you.
-Tracey


10 comments:

  1. All I need is a case of lionshead and a sack of hairy walnuts. salted.

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  2. Thank you. You always know just what to say, and when to say it.

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  3. Ain't that the truth!? I think us drug addicts may find the most relief in love for ourselves and those around us, and perhaps then we may love life as it is. :)) Thank you, Tracey!

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    1. Thanks for reading. It is hard to remember a world full of joy exists outside of chemicals when they have taken over your existence

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  4. Drug addiction can only ruin relationships and put lives in danger. I don’t want to criticize anyone, but I honestly don’t understand why people tend to get addicted, even though they are aware of the consequences of being one. I’m glad that you proved us that there is life after drug addiction. Your story is very inspiring, and I hope a lot of people who experience the same predicament will get read it. It will be one way to help re-build the lives that got broken through addiction. Thanks for sharing that, Tracey! I wish you all the best!

    Johnnie Smith @ Ranch Creek Recovery

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    1. you work with addicts but you can't understand why they get addicted? Hmm.

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  5. I love that! No judgment in your writing. That was a "feel good" read for sure! It made me look at my situation differently-not prefect but pretty freekin' good in many ways! Starting in a positive place makes it easier to improve the situation. It's less hopeless that way. Thanks!

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