A reader asked me to make a happy post. They said they needed a dose of hope now and then.
There is life after heroin. There is life after drug addiction.
I used to wake up every morning, shoot drugs. Degrade myself. Shoot more drugs. Beg, borrow, steal, shame. Shoot more drugs. Nod. Eat sugary snacks. Degrade myself. Shoot more drugs. Drain an abscess. Pass out. FUCK YEAH heroin.
It wasn't always that way. When I first started, I was a college student. I had a decent apartment. I had friends. I had a shitty job in retail where I met my friends at the bar after work on Fridays for happy hour. I had this whole LIFE that slowly melted away. I never "regained" my old life. My old self was gone. I had changed- my experiences had changed me. I got a life that is much better.
I get up everyday next to my husband (if he hasn't gotten up first for work). I make myself cereal and soymilk. I chill on the couch while scrolling through my emails. I get the kids up around 6 during the week. I have three kids. They like to snuggle in the morning. My daughter likes to chase the old cat around. He tolerates her insolence in return for a hearty ration of wet food. My middle son frequently refuses breakfast unless it is bacon or waffles with whipped cream. My younger son is less fussy. He likes to watch ninja turtles. At the same time, he likes to share the same bowl of cereal with me. I get them dressed. I drop my youngest off last. We cuddle on the train. We get off and the lady at the train station gives him fruit snacks. On the weekends, we like to visit farms or go to the woods.
My life goals were:
Find someone that loves me- done
Make my mom proud of me- done
Finish my degree- done
Get a nice place to live- done
Have a family- done
Getting clean may not be right for you right now. I totally understand that. I truly wasn't ready until I was ready. That doesn't mean you will use forever. Don't let it get you down. Depression and self pity are horrible for the health of us junkies. We need some spark of life. Enjoy your life, no matter what it is that you are doing. Be safe. Use as safely as possible. Find your dreams again. Find things and people that you love. Believe me, someone loves you. I love you.
The world needs you.