traceyh415

No no no, not the song. The places I have lived in my addiction should have been paying me to live there. THAT is how gross many of them were yet I paid $30-35 a day to live in squalor. Let's review: The Civic Center Hotel- This was considered one of the nicer places. It was nice because it had a phone in your room so you could actually page your dealer. In addition, it gave you a front as if you lived a semi-normal life because your family was able to call you. There were no blood stains shot all over the walls in the bathroom. The doors locked (in some hotels they barely shut). I could buy dimes of dope in the hotel if I was REALLY sick, although it was cut all to hell, and the managers were women which was always a plus since they would smoke weed with me. The Bristol- tweaker hell. Junkie hell. This place was more expensive than the rest because the rooms were slightly bigger. It was part of a few hotels run by a family of gangsters that were know to beat the hell out of te...

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/06/28/i-detoxed-from-heroin-in-jail.html# http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/06/28/i-detoxed-from-heroin-in-jail.html

http://themarriageprojectblog.com/2014/06/24/reflection-131-marriage-is-held-up-as-the-great-climax-in-reality-it-is-just-the-beginning-of-a-partnership/

I reached my hands into my purse and stuck my finger. A god damned uncapped syringe again! So frustrating. I suck the blood off my finger. The fact that I even carry a purse is a complete farce. What is the contents? A old tampon I really don't need since I haven't had a period in eight months. There are four condoms, three regular kind and one oral sex kind. They say if tastes like mint but it tastes like tums. I'm not having sex anyway. I keep those in case some hooker needs them. I am always prepared to assist for a price. I got a travel sized bottle of bleach, six alcohol wipes, twenty bundled up syringes, and two food stamps. I will buy some five cent candy to break them when I need change for the pay phone. I also have napkins in case I have to go to the bathroom and wipe off some blood. This is lifestyles of the the rich and famous in reverse. I am poor and infamous. I almost missed the exchange today. I took some plungers out of barrels to make it look like ...

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"Am I getting a holiday take home?" he says as he throws in cup in the garbage.  He would ask to see his counselor, but he knows there would be no point in that conversation. Everything involved in a methadone clinic is a delicate balance between not getting caught and not getting high. Most people start with failure as the motivator. They have some how failed to keep their shit together. Some tiny little insignificant chemical reaction had taken over their entire being.  At first, methadone tastes like victory. You crush that cup with joy like "I got this" as you beat on your chest. The power of the purse has allowed you to pay your way out of your habit. It feels good. The dose may not be right but you feel like you have done something.  Flash forward a few weeks or months to the grind of clinic shackles. The window! Do you even know about the window bro? Have you ever had the clinic door shut before you have gotten to the window? Have you ever stood in l...

The creation. A fiend in the making.  When shortcuts end up taking you down long dark paths.. Trying to find happiness isnt easy for some, i know it wasnt easy for me. Looking back on my childhood years I should have been sent to a shrink sooner...or I should have been sent to the right psych because there were some years of counseling that had little to no effect on me or my father. I also know now that there was damage done to me before I took my first breath, and that damage is part of why I have a dark side that I need to hide for 99.5% of the population. My father smoked crack throughout most of my childhood so I grew up around drugs forever,I can remember his paranoid flip outs and hallucinations..he boarded up all the windows to the house one night during a wild binge..we lived in a pretty square suburb at the time so im sure the neighbors knew he was tripping..this was 85 and crack was spreading like wild fire throughout the san francisco bay area and pops caught the fever....